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Ever since I found out I was pregnant, my grandmother has been insisting things into me and my boyfriend's lives. I'll start off by telling you what kind of person she is so people dont jump to the conclusion of "she's just being a caring grandmother that loves her granddaughter".

First, she's not even my real grandmother. My grandfather had three kids (my mom, my aunt and one of my uncles) with another woman long before he met the woman he's married to now. After my real grandmother passed, he married the one I have now some years later. They had two sons together, but before those two were born I've been told awful stories about her from my mother and aunt. When they were younger, they were out late and when they got home, she cooked dinner. My aunt was young and tired, and didnt feel like eating. I was told she smacked my aunt on the back of the head for it. She tried forcing my mother to eat cabbage, and it was making my mother gag so much that my grandfather stepped in and defended her and when he did that, my grandmother dropped her fork and left the table.

I've also been told she would make the three sit on the floor and eat their dinner there if they pissed her off enough. Great step mother huh? As soon as my other two uncles were born she treated them like they were angels and they got anything they wanted. Fast forward, I'm born. My mother was single and we moved in with my grandparents because my biological father left my mother. Anyway, I dont remember much about my childhood except she loved me to death and I felt the same way about her. I overheard my parents (my mother later married when I was about 7) one night talking about what a witch my grandmother was and that broke my heart.

Fast forward again, my little sister's born. Almost immediately it felt like she was an outcast. I dont know why, and I still dont. The past several years the family's had Christmas parties and we exchange gifts, and my sister's got next to nothing every single year. One year she got a lousy pen and notebook from the dollar store, nothing else, and she got to sit there watching myself and two other cousins unwrap gift after gift. I felt so bad I gave her a present when we got home that I was planning on giving her on Christmas. She's gotten measly $10 Wal Mart gift cards while my ELEVEN YEAR OLD cousin got a camera that was originally $150 but on sale for $115 for her birthday. She's always trying to take me out to lunch when I'm home visiting from out of state, but the second my sister walks in the deal is over and she leaves. Fair huh? Whatever you tell her, even if she "promises" not to tell anyone, the whole family will know by the end of that night, but add some twists and her own words to it.

This past Christmas I was visiting her and my grandfather and I told her I would talk to my mother to see if she'd be willing to go up there before I headed back to NY with my boyfriend. Few days later she calls and invites herself down, saying "well you said I could come down" I let my mom know to prepare her for it, still on the phone with my grandmother and know what she said? "I didnt know you needed permission for me to come down." Um, I was telling my mother so she wouldnt be surprised to see her, plus I didnt even invite her over to visit she invited herself. I know she hates my boyfriend, my sister used to tell me, but she turns around and lies to my face saying "we miss him we want to see him again tell him we love him!" My aunt (not her biological daughter) was telling me a few months ago that one year my cousin wanted a barbie doll for Christmas, so what did my grandmother do? She sent a very cheap plastic dollar store doll that broke when they tried to open it. Another Christmas my father got Drake snack cakes from her. Oh, and my aunt's husband once tried fluff (marshmallow spread for sandwiches for those that may not know) for the very first time, never hearing of it, and loved it. Guess what he got for Christmas that year? That's right, a jar of fluff. The family was visiting my aunt and her husband down in DC a couple years ago, and we were out at my cousin's marching band show at the high school's football game. It was cold and my sister simply mentioned it, and my grandmother snapped "we're all cold!" had it been me or one of her other favorites, "you want nana's jacket?" After the game had ended, we split up to go in different cars and my sister wanted to go wherever my mother was going. After they walked away she had the audacity to look me straight in the eye and say "she's a real pain in the ass isnt she?!" (meaning my sister, who did absolutely nothing) My aunt and I kind of looked at each other, rolled our eyes and looked away trying to ignore her. And now one of her biological sons just had his own baby back in January, she's all my grandmother can talk about. Doesnt matter what you'll be talking about with her, the baby somehow manages to come up in every conversation. When there's a big family get together, the baby's hardly ever seen in anyone elses' arms, including her own parents, because my grandmother's all over her. The second she starts crying, oh nana to the rescue. One of my cousins was trying to learn how to take care of a kid so she could start babysitting, but the second she tried doing anything here comes nana and scoops her up and takes her away to 'show her' how to do it. Then she had the nerve to tell me my cousin is "a natural" with kids. How? She never let my cousin do anything! Ugh. I could ramble and complain about this for hours, but I think you get the idea what kind of woman she is.

Anyway, the second she found out I'm pregnant, she started planning, again, an uninvited trip only to NY this time when I'm due in February. I mentioned that I was simply looking at cribs, NOT asking anyone to get me one, and remarked how expensive they were and how unimpressed I was with it. Next thing I know, she comes up to me last week "I bought a crib for you! It was only used a couple times too!" *ROLLS EYES* I didnt even ask for one, and my boyfriend's parents already said they wanted to buy us a crib then my mother comes out and says SHE wanted to buy the crib. Later, after she told me she got it, I overheard her telling my mother "I got her a crib! It was only $150!" She's never shy to tell you how much (or little) she spends on a gift for you if it "looks" expensive. My mother's upset, I'm upset and my boyfriend is surely upset because she went behind our back and got us a crib without asking us, and I dont even know if it's safe or how old it is! I wanted to look at the cribs and check the stability before actually getting it. That's not so much to ask is it? Then she goes on to say "you better get a U-Haul 'cause you ARE taking it back next time you come home! One way or another you're taking it back!" Earlier today she kept going at it, saying now she's thinking of shipping it to us in NY. Also, she seems to think she's running the baby shower! We were having a birthday party for my grandfather last week and she was all it's gonna be a 'Jack and Jill' baby shower at the hall we were at when I go home for the holidays and everyone's invited! Yay, that means her friends that I hardly know or hardly remember from my youth. Then, today, she seems to think "no, instead you should set up a registry online that way we can go by that and ship it to you". UUUGH. I dont want her thinking she's in charge! When I first got pregnant a couple years ago (it was a blighted ovum), I was living in NC with my boyfriend and when she found out, she called us one day "to see how we were", then she told him she was coming down to NC when I was due, and SHE wanted to be the FIRST ONE TO HOLD THE BABY. I was fuming when she said that, and I'm sure she's thinking that this time. This is really upsetting and stressing my boyfriend and I out, we really feel like she's pushing herself into our lives and we dont even want or need her help. How can I tell her to back off without being mean?

Trust me, I want to snap but cant because then she'd go and tell the whole family and more than likely tell them a bunch of crap I didnt even say just to make it that much more dramatic. Plus, I really love my grandfather and dont want to risk anything. She's the kind of person who will tell him I said something when I didnt and try to upset him or something. I just dont want her trying to run anything, how do I tell her to back off? :/

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