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Honey, your doubts are likely stemming from your reactions to your current boyfriend's actions. Or, more likely, his lack of actions. It may not be his fault (because it could be something you need in a relationship that you don't quite understand yet or know how to articulate, and thus, you cannot inform him) or it may be his fault (he let himself go, or maybe he hasn't been romantic, or something.) Usually, it's a bit of both.

With him, you'll need to do some serious soul searching about whether it's truly attraction based (i.e. You just can't see him in a sexual manner anymore) - which, unfortuanately, usually means you need to move on to someone else, because even if he's got a marriagable personality, your libido can't marry someone's personality. It usually needs, ah, something more visceral.

If it's less to do with physical attraction and more just it feels like the "romance" and the "spark" has gone out of things, then things can be salvaged and we can help you with that, if you determine that's what the problem is and you wish to solve it.

Moving on to Man#2, my gut instinct says "DON'T DO IT."

I was in this situation before - I had a rather lacklustre, but sweet boyfriend and met someone online who just ignighted me. Well, Online dude was half-way across the country and had no intention of moving closer and I ended up destroying my relationship with the sweet boyfriend because of how depressed I got over Online dude and the stress I felt over trying to decide what to do.

If your online person is away permanently, and has no intention of moving, then tread carefully and guard your heart.

But my honest opinion? If your problem with Man1 is a sexual problem, and Man2 is permanently away, then leave them both behind, in a relationship sense and find someone else more compatible with you.

If the problem with Man1 is not the physical attractiveness/sexual aspect, and instead, the problem is something else, then it might be just that Man2 is giving you something you're "missing" from the relationship with Man1 - and if you know what that element is, then you have your starting point for solving problems with Man1.

There's no shame in moving from one relationship to another and it's obvious you're trying to go at this with a level head. Hope these thoughts helped.
[QUOTE=Linnia;4826244]Honey, your doubts are likely stemming from your reactions to your current boyfriend's actions. Or, more likely, his lack of actions. It may not be his fault (because it could be something you need in a relationship that you don't quite understand yet or know how to articulate, and thus, you cannot inform him) or it may be his fault (he let himself go, or maybe he hasn't been romantic, or something.) Usually, it's a bit of both.

With him, you'll need to do some serious soul searching about whether it's truly attraction based (i.e. You just can't see him in a sexual manner anymore) - which, unfortuanately, usually means you need to move on to someone else, because even if he's got a marriagable personality, your libido can't marry someone's personality. It usually needs, ah, something more visceral.

If it's less to do with physical attraction and more just it feels like the "romance" and the "spark" has gone out of things, then things can be salvaged and we can help you with that, if you determine that's what the problem is and you wish to solve it.

Moving on to Man#2, my gut instinct says "DON'T DO IT."

I was in this situation before - I had a rather lacklustre, but sweet boyfriend and met someone online who just ignighted me. Well, Online dude was half-way across the country and had no intention of moving closer and I ended up destroying my relationship with the sweet boyfriend because of how depressed I got over Online dude and the stress I felt over trying to decide what to do.

If your online person is away permanently, and has no intention of moving, then tread carefully and guard your heart.

But my honest opinion? If your problem with Man1 is a sexual problem, and Man2 is permanently away, then leave them both behind, in a relationship sense and find someone else more compatible with you.

If the problem with Man1 is not the physical attractiveness/sexual aspect, and instead, the problem is something else, then it might be just that Man2 is giving you something you're "missing" from the relationship with Man1 - and if you know what that element is, then you have your starting point for solving problems with Man1.

There's no shame in moving from one relationship to another and it's obvious you're trying to go at this with a level head. Hope these thoughts helped.[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for your insight. I'm truly grateful for how thorough you responded to my situation. I want to share with you a couple of things.

First, with Man1 (thanks for making the labels, it's easier!) it is a physical attractiveness/sexual aspect issue unfortunately. I was not 100% physically attracted to him to begin with but I fell for him anyway because of his personality and how he treats me. I was told by other women that sometimes physical attraction can come with time - so I let the time come. There was a time when I believed deeply in our relationship because of our compatibility. I even believed that he was the one I was going to marry - but deep down that spark, that passion, that drive was missing (and I looked away from it because everything else was perfect). He is more of the best friend I never had than a significant other. But what is sad is that he loves me more than anything in world and told me that he wants to me to marry him one day. And here I am...my family thinks I am crazy, my friends are skeptical about this other guy, etc.

*I so, so, so feel the stress and agony that you spoke of by the way! It's horrible.

Secondly, with Man2...I totally get the online dating cautiousness, but this is somewhat different. I did not meet him online, I met him in a chance encounter while traveling. We talk every day and even though he is away, he does live near me, and he has stated several times that he wants to see me when he comes back. When I met him I was immediately attracted to him. And now that I am beginning to know his personality I am still attracted to him. I do not want to jump into a relationship with this person because the truth is that I do not know him as well as I would if he were here all the time. Therefore, I want to continue to get to him and see what happens. But I don't want to feel guilty all of the time about it...

It breaks my heart this whole situation but I think meeting Man2 opened up what I was keeping locked away about Man1. I didn't want to believe my doubts about Man1...but now they are staring me in the face.

Thank you again for your insight. *Hug*





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