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Angry & frustrated
Aug 20, 2011
i really need some help with this. i had a recent incident in my life. tht hit me really hard n deep. well let me put it this way i was engaged with a guy, it was an arranged one, due to family reasons. i was having a hard time accepting the guy, because of our differences also there were things abt him i never liked right from the start. actually i knew this guy before being engaged thru sm family friend. i was reluctant to get into this relationship. but then family pressure. i yielded. i know you must be thinking i was crazy to accept it. but guess what i made a mistake. i suffered too.

Anyways things kept on getting worse and finally a stage came when i couldnt take it anymore. Though i did everything i could to try to make things work with him. i was going well with his family. but.... later on i found out he was carrying on his relationship with his ex-girlfriend. that time i took my foot down & decide to leave him. when he came to know that I'm aware of his secret affair. he backfired on me, he started talking ill abt me and created a whole lot of scene in his family & told modified version of the fight to his family. told a lot of lies & his family stood by him to break the relationship, putting all the blame on me & my family. like i was not nice to them & their son, bla bla.... when all this time i was trying to do my best to make things work with him. & i definitely was nice to his family.
at that moment i was taken aback big time, i felt betrayed, tricked & i was being blamed for a crime i never committed.
since my family is conservative which you could understand by the idea of arrange marriage. they were not ready to let him go like that. As there was a lot of social stigma attached to breaking out of a relationship, from my family. It led to a heated conversation, in which he was lying & telling manipulated facts. for which i didnt felt like giving an answer at that time & finally we broke up.
now the thing is I am happy to get out of the relationship & i thank god for that eachday, for saving me from a disaster. but still i feel anger, rage for him everyday. i cant figure out why??? some days i feel like giving him a hard kick at his balls & then a punch right on his face. & call him all the swears i can think of. & answer for every lie he told in front of everyone with a big punch each time.
in the middle of all this my carrier got screwed up. so right now my life is messed up. I am struggling to fix things in my life with regard to my carrier, & my personal life. ofcourse right now my profession is my top priority , i want to fix it first.

its been a while, now & i cant figure out a way to let go of my anger. most importantly i cant understand my ownself, why am i angry at him? he was a douch bag, i didnt liked him anyways. then why do i feel like destroying him to the ground. (though i won't to do that). but i get this feeling soooo strongly. i dont know what to do about it. i dont know how to get over it.

Recently a friend of mine had an incident, in which he found his gf cheating on him, though they sorted it out after a lot of fights & stuff & finally got back together. Amazing thing is i am not able to accept her like i did before. My friend managed to forgive her, & I am having a hard time with forgiveness. i feel like i can not trust her with my friend anymore.

My threshold for any kind of nonsense or backstabbing have decreased big time, even with random people, in day to day life. i get angry easily. though i control myself from reacting. but its annoying me. I dont know if I am frustrated because my life has gone unstable & upside down or I am angry because i didnt answer let out my anger at the right moment..... i really dont know & i need help.... plzzz....

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