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Relationship Health Message Board

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First things first, take a deep breath and relax! :)

You've only been with this guy a month - that's not a serious long-term relationship BF yet (even if you're aiming for it to go in that direction) and if you expect him to act like one and then get frustrated when he doesn't, it's going to backfire on you (in one of a multitude of ways).

So, second things second - he says he likes you and still wants to be exclusive, so that means he's your boyfriend. That means he's into you, so don't worry about that.

I don't know what you're saying to him, or what sort of "hints" you're putting across about the way you want him to act, so I can't really comment on that, but from my experience, many guys tend not to see the relationship as "serious" until around the 6-7 month mark (sometimes a bit less, sometimes a bit more). Until that point, they're with you because you're fun to be around and they enjoy your company and they don't really look much further than that.

Now, for a guy who's in that mindset of "just wanting to have fun with a girl who's company I enjoy", the girlfriend who wants a "serious" boyfriend and wants one right away can be a bit jarring and the opposite of fun. Especially if she's laying the hints on thick and then gets upset when he either doesn't notice or doesn't respond because he hasn't gotten to that point emotionally yet. It's pressure, and no one really likes that.

What will probably help you and your boyfriend is if you relax and just think that your goal is to have fun with him and getting to know him and for the next couple months, just forget about things being "serious". It'll take some pressure off you and off your boyfriend, which will probably make him more interested in you again. If you're still with him six months down the road, revisit the "serious" issue in your head and see where it goes - until then, just have fun :)

As for the specific problem of him not asking you out to celebrate, how does he know you want that sort of thing? Hinting is not telling someone what you want and hinting with someone who doesn't know you well is like telling an injoke to a complete stranger. Often you'll just get a blank expression.

It's fine to hint stuff to a close friend who's known you for ages - they can usually figure out what you're getting at pretty fast. But for someone you've known for maybe two months? Hinting is not going to accomplish anything. Trust me. It's just going to either confuse or annoy that person, unless they're extremely good at reading people (and not many are!)

Direct communication is always better - less confusion, less anger. If you want something, tell your boyfriend directly. Honesty is always better in the long run for serious relationships ;)

So, for next time, instead of wanting to do something, then getting mad at your BF for not reading your mind and your hints, maybe instead say "Oh man, I'm so excited for this job I got! Let's go celebrate, my treat!" (Hey, you are earning some cash now, so treating him once in awhile isn't a bad idea. :P)

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