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I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. But am confused by my lack of desire to have sex with her now. I love hanging out with her, joking around with her, watching shows, talking, holding her, and falling asleep with her in my arms. She's a really awesome person. But for some reason, I don't find myself sexually into it anymore. I've been feeling like this for several months now, hoping that it was just a normal relationship phase I was going through. But in fact, I've been falling more and more out of a want to have sex with her. There will be times where I try...but can't...or I'll lose my erection...and I'll just apologize to a very confused girlfriend.

Now I'm starting to fear that maybe our relationship has run its course. I say fear, because I love being with her...and not having her in my life anymore would leave me feeling pretty damn lonely. This makes me feel even more crappy...because I start wondering, "Am I only with her so I can have a companion...and so I wont feel lonely?"

There's sometimes where I think...ok, I have to break up with her. As heartbreaking as it will be, it's the right thing to do. But then I start freaking out and think, "Stop taking this for granted, just love her. You're so lucky to have what you have. There's so many people out there who wish they had what I have with another person." And there's times where I'm just happy being with her...holding her, and connecting with her. Despite the fact that the sexual desire for her is pretty much gone.

I'm in my mid-twenties, she's in her early twenties...and I'm fairly sexually inexperienced. In fact, she's the only girl I have ever made love to. And that's the other thing. It took me a few months at the beginning of our relationship to build my sexual confidence up to the point where I could keep my erection to make love. Since she was my first, I was so scared of being bad in bed...that I found it hard to keep an erection, because I was thinking about it too much. But she was extremely patient with me (she had been with other people)...until I finally conquered my fear of sex.

But now I'm so confused about how I'm feeling. I find myself being extremely attracted to every woman I talk to, except for my own girlfriend. And it makes me feel like absolute $hit.

The thing is, she's a really cool girl, and we really get each other's personality so well. A bonus is that her family is close by...and I really get a long with her parents, which I think is important.

Part of me thinks I would feel relieved if I could just end it for a while...explore my own person, experience other people...grow some more, build up my sexual confidence in myself...and then see how we both felt after that. Spending the rest of your life with someone is such a serious commitment.

But then that fear starts creeping in. Will I regret this? Will I find someone else who excepts me so completely? Will I find someone who is patient with me as I continue to build my sexual confidence?

There's so many unknowns...and I wish I was mature and wise enough to know what to do right now. But I don't. And I think it's starting to affect my relationship negatively.

Any advice or insights would be so appreciated.

Thank you.

~Dan
Physicality she has not changed. But then again, if I truly loved her...I don't think any physical changes should matter too much. (Unless that's the thoughts of a naive, young lover.)

Although, she did have a bit of a belly that I would think about while making love (I find fat on women to be a turn on)...but then she got tired of her stomach, and started really working out, and eating healthy, and lost it...and I've had to adjust to that. So maybe that could be it? But if that's the case, then that means I don't truly love her...right?

We have talked a few times. The first time I started questioning the relationship was about a year ago. And that was because I wanted to date other people. At the same time, she wanted to move in together. When I told her I wasn't ready to move in...she wanted to break up with me. Then, something interesting happened. I realized how lonely and sad I would be without her and how much I did love her (don't know how much you care about someone until they're not there) and broke down and started crying. I think she was taken aback by how beaten up I was, and decided to stay with me...because no one had ever cared for her as much...her words.

But, we also agreed to keep living independently, for the time being.

I few months later I realized how hurt I was that she almost broke up with me...and discovered that I hadn't been able to fully trust her since, knowing that she was capable of leaving me. (Did I mention I'm pretty naive about relationships...)

So I brought it up, and the fact that I don't think I was mature enough to be in a relationship anymore, and that I needed some time to explore, and develop myself. (I didn't mention wanting to date other women).

Then she started crying, got angry...and then somehow talked me in to staying in the relationship, and how breaking up was too drastic and would be a bad idea. So we stayed together.

Then we had a similar conversation a couple months after that, initiated by me. And again, she started crying...and reminded me that it didn't make sense to break up.

And now here we are. Haha, I feel like we broke up three times, and it really sucked each time.

Further, I've noticed that I've been being a little more stand offish now...and she's been clinging to me even tighter as a result.

Anyway, so now I'm stuck left feeling confused and weak by it all.

But I could NEVER ever tell her that I want to date other women. I think that would be far too painful to tell her that. Furthermore, I feel like an immature, jerk for feeling that way.





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