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Relationship Health Message Board


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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We met through a mutual friend and for the first year of our relationship we lived in different states because he's in the military. I moved in with him after we went through a deployment together, but I soon learned my mother was right; we maybe have been together a year, but we only saw each other when he came home on leave and I didnt know what he was *really* like.

It started off with what I was wearing. I wore a tank top out one day because it was a late summer hot humid southern day. Apparently he caught a guy looking at my chest and ever since then, I could only wear tank tops around the apartment otherwise he wouldnt leave the apartment until I changed out of it. Then came my own phone; I had one of those phones that I had to buy the minutes, but having no job and running out of my own money, I had to rely on him to get me minutes. He wouldnt, and I was only aloud to use his phone to talk to my family. If I had my own minutes that my family got me, he would waste them all away by constantly txting me (it was 10 cents per txt sent and received) and telling him to stop only made it worse because that was another 10 cents I wasted yelling at him. If I ignored, he'd still send. If I shut my phone off, I'd get all the txts he sent throughout the day when I turned it back on. I couldnt escape. This happened in 2008-2009 and it took this past September (2010) to finally get my own phone for dogsitting for my uncle for a week; I had no way of getting hold of him if I needed to so he and my grandmother got me one (and she's paying for it so I dont have to worry about him wasting the minutes again!) If I even hugged a guy friend when he was around, he got upset.

Now, I'm going on 17 weeks pregnant and my emotions are stronger than they have ever been. I've gotten a bit of an attitude and temper since moving in with him, and it's worse now. Even before I got pregnant, I had to ask him to help me around the apartment if I was cleaning. His excuse is always "I never know what you're doing, you dont tell me" because seeing me organizing, doing dishes and such isnt a hint enough? I always have to ask for help. If I get upset with something, instead of being understanding about my raging pregnancy hormones he gets upset right back at me, making me even more upset leading me to crying my eyes out. This has happened many times since I got pregnant. I keep telling him he needs to be understanding, because he isnt, and I a lot of the time I cant help when I get upset over something as small as I cant find the dish sponge (never happened but just an example). By the time he finally 'realizes' I'm cleaning and asks if I want help, I'm usually pretty much done with what I want done. I cant clean my three cats' litter boxes (which I did before I got pregnant) and have to rely on him to. Recently he went almost 5 days without cleaning them out because he says he doesnt remember to, and usually when I remind him to he sighs and says he'll do it later. Again, several times he says he will, come the end of the night he's ready for bed and still hasnt done it, though I've reminded him several times. I get a sigh and 'I'll do it tomorrow!' Tomorrow comes and I get the same thing. It's really getting on my nerves! And, because of the bad weather that hit the east coast a few days ago, our bedroom floor completely flooded. 75% of our bedroom floor is carpeted, and anyone knows flood and carpet floor DO NOT mix. We cleared it up for the most part, but it's still damp and now the bedroom is starting to smell of mildew. It happened Sunday and we talked about calling the landlord, but since he's busy at church on Sundays and it was still kind of crappy out, we decided to call him Monday. My boyfriend wasnt even at work an hour when he was called into his boss' office and told to come home to clear up our flood issue. He never gets sent home from work for anything unless it's severe weather or they lose power for the day. What does he decide to do? Play video games, lay around and fall asleep. Late afternoon rolls around and he still hasnt called our landlord. Lemme just say, our landlord and I dont really get along; I cant stand him and he knows it, and we dont talk at all. I havent seen the guy in months, my boyfriend handles him when the rent is due, otherwise I'd call him myself. Anyway, I asked him several times today, when are you gonna call him we need to get that rug taken care of! The longer we wait the worse it's gonna get! I get "I dont wanna deal with him right now!" So I wait a while and ask again. I'll call him later I dont wanna talk to him. Well, it's now 130 on Tuesday morning and he still hasnt talked to the landlord. I pestered him before he went to bed and he said he'd call tomorrow (technically today). He said that so many times Sunday and Monday that I dont believe him and he's bugged that I dont. I have reason not to. Doesnt matter what it is, if it needs to be done "I'll do it later" is the answer I get 95% of the time. I'm getting to the point where I'm about to complain to his mother, because she knows him best, but he doesnt really listen to his parents that well either. I'm so irritated and PO'd, not to mention worried because I'm pregnant, we have two cats in our bedroom (long story) and it's starting to smell of mildew. What do I do about him? He wont grow up and he's gonna be 25 in a couple weeks! I'm so frustrated and annoyed I'm almost in tears right now :o





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