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Relationship Health Message Board

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He's in jail for planning to kill someone and you're worried about what HE'LL think of YOU? I hope you can see how mixed up and turned around that thinking is. You need to break off contact with this man and never see him again. It's not your job to be his savior. You cannot change him, you cannot fix him, and you cannot love him into being the man you want him to be. He's an angry, volatile, unstable criminal, and if you continue a relationship with someone like that, you're asking for a whole heap of trouble. Now you just have to decide if you value your own life, do you want to be happy, or do you want to waste your life on pipedreams of this loser becoming someone that's just not in him to be. This life is yours, and the choice is yours.
we live apart rose, i live just down the road from him.

what happened is i called a counsellor to talk about my concerns and how it was getting me down. they reported it as they was concerned for the 'former' friends life so police called me today and asked to speak to me in private so they took me in a car and quizzed me. we came back to my boyfriend house and he was arrested. i told the police the truth. i thought it would be for his own good hoping the police might sscare him a little bit so he doesnt go ahead with his plan to seriously beat his ex friend up or murder him. his state of mind was in a bad place. he was saying some very disgusting gruesome plans of how he would murder him. his mum came yesterday and he discovered his mum knew about his friend going on holiday (vacation i think other countrys call it) and she didnt tell him for days. he started smashing up his house as usual screaming in his mums face and shouting crying and was very angry. i have been supportive and i always manage to calm him down but it started to take its toll on me i was worried that i only had a few days left with him before he gets arrested for murder or assault. his mum was worried sick too. hes going to hate me for telling the police what i know. we are usually happy since we sorted out all that crap from before we grew closer and i worry we are ruined now and that he will hate me for life. they took my phone too. hes going to hate me more because i called his mum and told her. she has a right to know. needed her help to get him home as he has no money and the police station is miles away from his home so he wouldnt know how to find his way home.

what a mess.
Okay, forgive me for being a little off topic, but my mouth is dropped. Not about the charges or the questioning or anything like that.

Maybe I missed some kind of update. For about a month, I've been thinking how well you must be doing since you got away, moved out, BROKE UP WITH HIM [again], haven't posted about any further incidences, etc. Every day that passed without your saying "Well, I gave in and we talked and things are better than ever," I thought "Good for her for staying strong and focused on having a better life!"

And even though your Mood emoticon has said "Angry" since you "broke up with him," I figured that to still be angry about everything was perfectly normal. Overall, I was happy for you that you were finally getting on with your life in a positive way without the drama and dysfunction of this "relationship." You were so adamant that this was it, that you were never going back, etc., etc., etc.

So, all I can say is is so incredibly sad that you choose this for your life.
he hasnt hit me. he was angry at his friend. and no i dont NOT crave attention so you are totally wrong there. i guess your entitled to your opinion but no your wrong and its not like that at all.
I'll tell you what bothers me the come on here wanting (and receiving) support when you're in one of your many spats with him, but as soon as you go back to him (usually the next day) you angrily dismiss our comments and advice because we are being mean or don't understand.

I think we understand perfectly well. We now know that you will never leave him no matter how many times he beats you up in parks, leaves angry threatening messages on your phone, pines away over his ex, abuses illegal drugs or gets arrested for trying to have someone murdered. Sure, being supportive is important in a relationship, but I believe your co-dependency takes support way beyond a reasonable level.

You know, if you're happy with this person, then just be with him. Don't feel the need to pretend that you are going to leave him or build a life away from him. If this relationship is truly what you think is best for you, then God bless you and good luck.

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