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He Married Her
Sep 18, 2011
Heartbroken, hurt, angry!!! I know I wrote about this person many times in the past but it has been a whlie so here is a recap (as brief as I can make it). I'm 33 but going back to high school, I had a huge crush on this guy P. He was "in love" with my friend G but when things didn't work out, he called me EVERYDAY. As a high school girl, I loved the attention, especially since I lacked self-esteem. Of course it took me a long time to realize he was contacting me b/c of her. He graduated high school and went straight to the Marines. I never heard from him. When he came home to visit, he called me, from her house. I was hurt by him back then.

Move forward to Holidays 2008, I reconnect with him on FB (the root of all evil). He doesn't quite remember me because I look very different, having lost a lot of weight. We go out for drinks and started a relationship. He was upfront that he was separated bc his wife cheated on him while he was deployed overseas. He's been in both Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the last times they were together, she got pregnant but had an abortion. I don't know if he ever offically knew if it was his baby. He was ROYALLY messed up in the head. I did EVERYTHING possible to be there for him. We didn't move fast physically because I was (am) a virgin and his last physical experience was with his separated wife, who had the abortion. We spoke of taking things slow. Yet he introduced me to friends, spoke of me staying over, wanted to see where things went. A week before my bday in March 2009, we had come home from hanging with his friends. Things were heating up physically and I initiated a little more bc he was always the first to initiate any touching. I was hesitant not wanting to rush. I felt he wanted it but pushed me away. That's when the whole abortion story came out. He cried to me, saying how messed up in the head he was.

One thing about our relationship, I was his girlfriend when he wanted me to be that but knew he was having great difficulties so I turned into just a friend when he needed that. I listened to him and tried to be there how he needed. When the night ended, I felt we were at a better place, him having trusted me with such pain. He ran away after that! I didn't hear from him for a while. I was DEVASTATED. I tried calling, nothing. I had to get some things he had of mine and he finally responded. I said that I guessed we weren't dating anymore and I would give him the space he needed. I got my things and did my best to give him space. We kept in touch every now and then, which gave me hope. He told me he had many things to figure out. I understood that to the best of my ability but didn't want to lose him. I did much of the contacting. He responded so I never thought any differently.

In August 2009, we went for drinks to catch up. We said it was nice to see each other, blah blah blah. In November 2009, I closed on my first home. Around the holidays 2010, I thought he would come see my home but never did. That year he helped me get in touch with other Marines, overseas. My students wrote letters to his friend who came to visit my classroom when he returned home. He never told me to leave him alone, which he should have. He never should have responded and kept communications open bc it just kept me there, hoping. In March 2010, he acknowledged my bday. At the same time he became friends with this girl on FB. Since we stopped dating, he would tell me he needed to be alone, was better off alone. When he put a picture of her on FB, my heart sunk. I was told she was just a friend. In texting convo one day, I had told him I know he wasn't ready, etc. But I asked if he were ready, would I be someone he would see himself with. He told me yes.

We were in touch for about a year and a half after we stopped dating. Summer 2010, I couldn't do it anymore. He wasn't doing right by me and it took me a year and a half to realize. I guess that's the lack of self-esteem. He entertained any contact I had with him, never telling me not to contact him. My time frame of letting things go is much longer than the rest of the world. It seemed so easy for him. I never tried to bash his character but he was taking the cowards way out and not just telling me to let him be. He let me hang there. My trying everything I could turned to anger, especially when this girl came in the picture. After I expressed that he wasn't doing right by me, he told me to leave him alone. "Fine I'm a coward, leave me alone." (Like a 10 year old) I never wanted it to get to that point but he had to know he hurt me. I felt so used. He should've had a pair and told me to not contact him at all. He didn't initiate much contact but again responded, so I didn't see the underlying message. I wasn't a random girl he met in a bar. I was an old friend who deserved more....MUCH MORE!

It's only been a year since him and I offically stopped talking. HE MARRIED HER!!! I thought my heart was ripped from my body. All the lip service I got about them being friends and he needed/wanted to be alone. He hurt me twice in my lifetime and WILL NEVER realize how much or take any responsibility for it. I was good enough after high school. I was good enough between wives 1 and 2, just not good enough!! I feel awful! I'm so angry and have so many not nice things I'd like to say bc of my anger. I'm so hurt bc I truly cared and tried everything and it wasn't enough. Why was she enough? My therapist tells me he has many issues that he hasn't addressed and can't possibly be mentally stable, after the traumas he's been through, war/abortion/divorce. She says that it's not a good sign that he was divorced and remarried in such a short time and I should be thankful it's not me.

I shut myself off from dating after him bc it just never works. In the past year, I've learned so much about myself and know I need to get back out there. This just put the breaks on completely bc I was blindsided by him moving on and finding happiness so quickly after him being distraught. How did he find "happily ever after" so fast? I'm angry, hurt, jealous that I'm not even a thought in his mind. I have many memories of him that stem from many years ago. Even after losing contact back then, I thought of him often, especially with 9/11, not knowing about his safety overseas. It hurts to think/know that he meant so much more to me than I ever meant to him.

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