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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi everyone, I'm new to these boards, so bear with me.

2 months ago, my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Here's our story: we met and instantly fell in love. He was so wonderful to me and everything I could have ever asked for. He was cute, an endurance athlete, very smart, successful, and overall just very nice to me. He took me on so many amazing dates and vacations and bought me flowers on random days each month. He really was my dream man. We ended up moving in with each other a few months later, since we saw each other everyday and fell in love. At around 6 months into our relationship, we could not spend any time apart, and we were just madly in love.

After this 6 month time period, things started to change. He stopped doing his triathlons and just stopped working out completely. He started to get mad at me about things that were out of my control, for example when I told him I couldn't go to a foreign country with him and his family for Xmas because my grandmother was sick (she passed away a couple weeks after xmas for the record) and I wanted to see her during the holidays, he ended up punishing me by giving me the silent treatment for 2 days and going out to get belligerently drunk with his friends both nights. From that point on, he started drinking a lot, at least 3 times a week, sometimes to the point of not being able to talk or walk up the stairs. Meanwhile, I am in an intense graduate school program, so not only had I been stressed about my program and my grandmother's sickness, I was constantly worrying about his drinking. If I ever talked to him about his drinking, he would brush it off like it wasn't a problem. Needless to say, I was very stressed out for the next year of our relationship.

At the 1.5 year mark, he started acting strangely for a couple of days, leaving the apartment for 4 hour spans and texting on his phone constantly. When I asked him what was going on, why he was being so cold, he would tell me he was just unhappy. One day I confronted him, and he told me he was so unhappy and needed space. I think subconsciously I was fed up with his behavior and I told him i could not give him space, it was either we were together or we weren't. He chose to break up, and that was that.

When I finally talked to him a month after our breakup, he told me that I was a miserable, dependent, weak-minded person and that I caused him to drink and made him unhappy. After all I did to try to make the relationship work, I just felt so betrayed. He later claimed he knows he drinks too much and that I deserve better. I don't really know what to believe.

My issue here is that I have mixed feelings about the whole situation. I know I was stressed about the relationship sometimes, but we had good times too, and I wonder if I had just given him his space if we would be together now. But then again, I also feel slightly relieved that I don't have to deal with his issues anymore. i guess the problem I'm having is that it is 2 months later, and I am still crying and upset about the whole thing. i really loved him and I am still devastated (even if a little relieved). i put so much of my life and energy into this that I feel like I am left with nothing, and I'm really lonely. I need some advice on what to do so that I can get my life on track, or even just any advice from someone who has been there before. Thank you!





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