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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

But I am almost 30 and he is 37, and like others have said he does have his hands full with the 3 kids already and that is a reality. I feel like he just says we will have kids of our own one day to keep me around and I will end up past my prime with no kids of my own still just mothering his children. Which I don't mind, It's just that I want my own... .[/QUOTE]

You're still young, but the clock is kind of ticking. No matter what movie stars have kids into their late 40s, the truth is for most regular people who can't afford all the fancy and very expensive fertility treatments, fertility goes down significantly after 35. In addition, the dating pool starts to dry up the older you get. Look at the situation you're in now. Your guy is 37, and he's with a 29 year old. When you are 35, the men your age will want 29 year olds, too. Except, you'll no longer be 29. The majority of men who will be most interested in you will be more well into their 40s, and they will be past the changing diapers and baby puke on their shoulder stage. Just speaking from my own experience, when I turned 35, men stopped looking and asking me out. I became utterly invisible. Now I'm 46, childless and alone and will probably be so for the rest of my life. I think sometimes you have a window of opportunity and if you miss it, you miss it. I'd hate to see you spend 5 more years with this guy promising you "someday" then when his kids are more grown and he doesn't need you to help out with them as much, then he'll find another 29 year old who is strong and secure and who thinks too much of herself to be used as free nanny/maid service and he'll fall head over heels for her confidence and independence and you'll be 35 and even farther away from marriage and kids than you are today. Then it will be twice as hard for you to get pregnant, and twice as hard to find a guy who wants kids of his own. It looks like your relationship is at a crossroads, and that's always hard. It sucks to be in this position and I feel for you. It's getting close to you having to make a hard choice.

[QUOTE=rainbowskin;4859195]I feel like that was the love of his life and and I'm just a maid/ nanny at times as I have no say over how his children are raised. It's very hard at times, but whenever I bring any of these issues up he just reassures me that he loves me and we will have kids one day. Whenever I bring up the "date night" thing... I'd be happy with one date per month!!! He says we are too poor and he'd rather spend the money on things the kids need. :( How can I really get mad about something like that? I just feel sad because I love him so much and want it to work.[/QUOTE]

You don't need to get "mad" about it. Your needs aren't getting met and he doesn't really care. Here's the thing I don't understand in this situation. He will go and visit with his ex wife for four hours to "discuss the kids" but she can't take the kids for a few hours so you guys can go have a cup of coffee and just talk? You say she doiesn't do anything for the kids and is never there for them, but you also said they meet and have "talks" for four hours about the kids. Well, which is it? There's something very fishy there. Besides, we're not talking 5 star dinner and the symphony. A night out doesn't have to cost more than $20. If he's not willing to spend that to save his relationship, then how much can he really want it? It kind of sounds like he knows you're not going anywhere. You depend on him to provide a roof over your head and put food on your table and he knows he doesn't have to care about your needs or wants because you have no other choice but to stay with him for as long as he wants you have you there. Is that really the relationship you signed up for? I know you love him, and that's fine. It's fine if you want to stay with him. But you just need to be honest with yourself. Love him and stay with him for all you have together NOW. Now for what you HOPE you'll have with him SOMEDAY. Stay with him understanding that it could mean trading your time with him for having children of your own. Does the relationship you have right now, today, just as it is, make up for possibly never having children of your own?

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