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Sorry this is so Long I didn't kno what was important or not...

Hmmm where to start...
Well I'm 19 years old right now with a three year old son.
I haven't been with my sons father in about 2 years. He just wasn't father material... I was doing everything in the relationship so I ended it.
I started dating this other guy who I thought was my soulmate, June 22 2010.
*** just putting in here he moved in with me not too long after dating cuz he had nowhere else to go***
We met in high school and been friends for a while. He was into alot of things like drugs and car hopping but had stopped all that to go out with me. He was so perfect and I fell in love with him. I would have done ANYTHING for him and he was pretty much the same way with me.
Every second weekend my sons father would have him so I get my break time and I loved going clubbing in hull so me and my boyfriend went every second weekend. His friend actually lived down the street from the club so one night we went there after the club, we were both drunk and out of no where this random guy walked by and said something and my bf freaked out and chased him down the road with a beer bottle.... I tried to stop him but then he just got mad at me and we started fighting, at one point he pushed me down to the ground 3 times and I almost cracked my head twice... He was yelling at me and threw a chair in my direction... All his friends saw this and tried to stop him too but no one could... I should have broken up with him after this incident but I didn't and I'm not sure y.... It might have been the next day he apologized and spoiled me for the next couple of days. I don't kno I jus loved him so much..

After that we hadn't faught for a couple months. But then it started up again he got mad over the stupidest things and we would fight almost every other day about something stupid and he would call me names and accuse me of cheating with my sons father... He would slam doors and punch holes in walls. I would break up with him and miss him like crazy and try to ignore him but he would always txt me and again he would apologize and sucker me back in... At this point I still really loved him (if ANYONE knows how I could love some one and keep coming back like this,please tell me..) again another couple months went by no fighting and he asked me to marry him... My love taking over here, I stupidly said yes and I was stuck...

I lost all my friends cuz I wanted to be with him (I'm still not sure y I loved him so much) even my best friend got fed up with me cuz she couldnt watch me get yelled at anymore...

At this point I had gotten pregnant with him and I was in doubt but he pushed me to keep it and told me he would help me with everything around the house and be the best father ever. I believed him... Well now I've got no friends and I started losing my family cuz I was pregnant and staying with this abusive guy...

Well I was starting to realize 'what have I put my son through this past year' and I felt so bad and I thought a was a really bad mother... So I started putting my foot down. And we had a really big fight when I was about 30 weeks pregnant, it all started cuz my mom came over the the house to drop something off for me when she left, My bf started bitching and complaining about my mom and I told him to stop I'm not gunna argue with u infront of my son anymore. He jus got more mad, and at the time of all this I was eating a bowl of soup and he hit it out of my hands. Went all over my bed, tv and the wall. That's when I blew up and told him to leave. He wouldn't leave so I called the cops to remove him and I told them I didn't want to see him around my house again....

So that's wat happened and it's been a month since I seen him. But i still have a facebook account to see what hes been doing and from what i saw it was getting more tattoos and hanging out with girls 3 yrs yonger than he was and now hes dating one of them who has an 11week old baby girl... So i was like WOW... F him... But just recently he started txting me. And I can't help but txt back and I just can't stay mad at him.... And I don't kno y... I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant and almost ready to pop.. I don't want him in my kids lives anymore and he is not going to be a part of his daughters life. He is definitely not father material...

But I still can't seem to get him out of my mind... Even tho I hate him so much for what he did to me.. And I oddly miss him too...
If anyone can give advice on how to get rid of this guy from my head it would be wonderful!

I hope this made sence it's 1:34am and I can't sleep but I'm tired... And I'm doing this on my iPhone so I can't see everything I'm writing... I just want to move on and worry about my kids no one else please help.





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