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Relationship Health Message Board


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You and your fiance both sound too young to be thinking about forever. Part of your heart is still with this other guy. By the way, if this other guy, this ex, is so great, and still loves you, why did you break up?

The fiance not accepting something in your past is not good. You shouldn't marry someone who is going to hold something in your past over your head for the rest of your life. I wouldn't marry him until he's worked through it and completely let it go.

Why the rush? It sounds like you all are in your early 20s. You've got a good 10 years before you really need to worry about settling down and having kids. This is why the divorce rate is so much higher among couples who marry at 24 or younger. It would be a huge mistake to make the kind of commitment marriage requires when you are this confused and unsure. But you say even if you were completely unhappy, you'd still go ahead with the wedding because you coudn't (I'm assuming that was a typo in your post?) bring yourself to break his heart and disappoint his parents? Really? You'd sentence yourself to a lifetime of misery because you couldn't bring yourself to temporarily disappoint someone else? That right there suggests that you are not emotionally mature enough to get married. Being married to the wrong person takes a toll, and 10 years and maybe a couple of kids down the road, you'll be wondering how the heck to get out of the miserable situation you're in. Divorcing him 10 years and a couple of kids down the road will be a heck of a lot harder to do than to simply not marry him now. You don't even have to break up with him. Just postpone the wedding. Neither one of you sound ready.





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