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Okay...I'm hoping that you all can help with a question I have.

After 14 years, my husband and I separated due to some issues that have been unresolved for a long time. It was at my request. My husband continues to try to show me he has changed for the better, but I am very hesitant to believe it...I may be a little resentful of what happened through the years...

Recently, he told me that he has been in contact with an ex from his teenage years, and they have been talking pretty regularly. She lives in a different state, is married and going through some issues in her marriage herself. Through this, he is proclaiming he still wants to work on it with me, that he loves me, and wants to be together.

He informed me a few days ago when he came over to spend some time with me that her husband got a hold of his phone number and called to confront him about their talking. He was suspicious of what was going on. They talked, and eventually he said that she is her own woman and can talk to him, but apparently had a very different tune with his wife. Her husband didn't like that these conversations are being held mainly while he's not around. My husband said that he doesn't want to come between a husband and wife, so if he has a problem with it he isn't going to talk to her anymore. If he is okay with it, than he'll continue talking to her, but he'll talk to him again to be sure he really is okay with it.

I haven't bothered checking our cell records, it just hasn't been a concern of mine with what he's doing as I've been gunshy about his supposed change. I've kind of been living my own life and just been trying to figure out who I am as an individual. I decided to check after this though.

So I look, and I find out they've been talking on a very regular basis for a long time. One day they talked for 150 minutes, and all the other days are 30-75 minutes...all these calls are occuring during the day when my husband and her husband are at work (the ex says he is there some of the time). My husband's reasoning is that they are getting caught up after all those years. He says they are nothing but friends, and are supporting one another. I am doubtful of that....he's never been much of a phone talker. He says its another example of him talking about his feelings now and changing. I was peeved because he told me he wasn't going to talk to her anymore if it bothered her husband, yet I seen through the cell records that yesterday he called her three times during the day.

The things they discuss are apparently her unhappy marriage, his unhappy separation, their lives up until now, and so on and so forth.

While he was over yesterday, I did something bad, and decided to look through his cell phone. I should have asked and it was a crappy thing to do. I read their texts...and later on told him that I did read them. He was upset, and said I should have just asked because he was not hiding anything.

The texts to me were a little borderline, and I said as much. She would often text, "Well he is gone, I'm going to call now." or asking if it was "safe to call him now".....and they were discussing how much trouble she was in for talking to him. My husband told her that her husband was insecure and needed to get over himself.

My husband and I debating about the inappropriateness of their friendship. We are separated mind you but I took some offense that he told me one thing but did another. He thinks me and her husband are being "insecure" would you feel in this same situation, or what do you think about it? Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated.

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