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Relationship Health Message Board


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Well some of you may remember my post several months ago about my manipulative boyfriend. I have ended it for good around two months ago and still having a hard time wrapping my head around what happened. He was usually the doting boyfriend, always doing things for me and taking care of me but drank a LOT and sometimes when he would drink we would get into terrible fights. The weekend before we broke up he even got so drunk he fell down the stairs and cut his head open. The night we broke up, all hell broke loose. I was hosting my friends birthday party at his house that I basically lived at. He insisted (while he was drunk) to her that she should have the party at his house. He later said he didnt remember that and made it clear to me he would not help me at all in preparation for the party. He showed up to the party late because his boat had broken down at the lake (where he spends most of his weekends during the summer) and was extremely intoxicated. (nothing unusual). He immediately was upset with me upon arrival because my friend, whose birthday it was, refused to hug him because he had been so mean to me over the party, (refusing to help) and acting indifferent about it when she considered her a close friend. I took the brundt of this because I followed him into the house to say hi and he lashed out at me because he had "worked his a** off" to get to the party and wasn't appreciated and was going to bed. I followed him upstairs and he basically told me he wasn't happy and ended it. Being in shock that he chose such a moment to do this and not wanting stupid drama to ruin my friend's birthday, I went downstairs and carried on as if nothing happened. This is when he came downstairs and proceeded to follow me around, alternating between being sweet (telling me he hated seeing me upset and wanting to talk) and getting angry with me for refusing to talk about it at that moment and telling me "let's just seal the deal now and end it then." He was trying to isolate several people at the party and trying to get them to see his side, it was ridiculous. Then later my friend asked me to take her boyfriend into the basement to look for a certain kind of liquor. When we went into the basement her boyfriend made a comment about how much liquor we had and I flippantly said "Yeah, this is how an alcoholic lives." I turned around and my ex was right behind me and furious. He called me a c-word and told me to get the f out of his house. I refused until after the party was over because, again, I didn;t want to ruin things for her as she was oblivious and having a good time. Later he watched me from the bedroom window and any time I was talking to someone who happened to be male he sent me a text like "I can't believe you're trying to hook up with guys in my own house" or "work it girl. Everyone warned me you're a wh**re. I guess I should have listened." He even started moving my clothes into my car in front of all our clearly uncomfortable guests. Finally the party wound down and I had enough and since I had been drinking, laid down on the couch with the intention of leaving first thing in the morning. He came downstairs, yanked the pillow out from under my head and hit me in the face with it and told me he hated me. I got up and he again started calling me those horrible names, called me pathetic, said I would never find better because I'm "32" and even made a disparraging remark about my female genitalia. I was so shocked at how mean he was being I hit him. I have never been a violent person but I had also not had anyone talk to me that hatefully, ever. He pushed me down and I hit him again and he kept pushing me and this went back and forth for awhile. He told me I was the worst thing to ever happen to him and called me every name in the book and left. I was left shaking and unsure of what happened. The next morning he sent me a message saying he was coming home with an engagement ring and if I didn't put it on I needed to walk away! I was thinking he must be crazier than I thought if he is giving me this ultimatum. Then the apology texts started. He was so sorry, he had been drinking, he loves me, will never talk to me that way again, and so forth.Even offered to go to counseling. To make a long story less long I finally changed my number and he waited outside my work for a couple hours waiting for me to come out and left a note on my car saying he just wanted five minutes of my time and he is worth that. I called the police at the urging of my friend and the cop called him and told him to leave me alone. (He even lied to the cop and told him he wasn't at my work but then admitted he "stopped by" when the officer brought up the note on my car. I am struggling with what happened to me, did I take it too far calling the police, am I being unfair not hearing him out, those kinds of things. He had always been so manipulative with me, my friends say it was like I was in a trance. He kept telling me (before I changed my number) that I needed to stop listening to my friends that know nothing about our relationship. But when pretty much EVERYONE is telling me he is horrible and to run fast, I think that is pretty sound advice to listen to. From day one he pulled out all the stops to get me, guilt, spoiling me, telling me basically I walked on water. Sorry this was so lengthy but I guess I am looking for any feedback or words of wisdom or encouragement. This is so hard....I am just trying to move on with my life and just got an email from him which stirred everything up. Please help :(





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