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Relationship Health Message Board


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I don't think it's necessarily bad, but obviously your husband has a big problem with it, and that means it's a problem in the marriage. You both have to meet each other half way. He needs to stop demanding that you be someone you are not, and you do need to make a bit more of an effort to at least be polite to his friends and when someone expects you to call them back, you call them back. I think you are actually kind of fortunate that you have opportunities to have people in your life who want to get to know you and socialize with you. When you get older you will be regretful if you don't establish some relationships with someone other than your husband and just one girlfriend. I understand needing a lot of "me" time. I do as well, But I have a little too much of it. I have some nice acquaintances from work and such, but I don't have anyone I can really call a friend. I had a procedure done last year and spent a week in bed, and alone with no one to talk to, no one to stop by and help take the garbage out, etc. No one to just hang out and play a board game or watch a movie and just keep me company for a while. Too much alone is not a heatlhy thing. It's all about balance. I saw a movie once with a very good piece of advice in it - "don't arrange your life so that you are alone when you come to the middle of it."

A couple of other things you should consider: your husband could be feeling pressure being the only real person of any significance in your life. That's a lot of responsibility for anyone, and it would be nice if you had a group of girls to hang with every now and again. I know it can be boring when there's that superficial small-talk kind of situation and there's not deeper connection on a real emotionally intimate level. But if you keep trying and keep getting to know people, and actually return their calls and be a friend, you might actually make some friends, real friends that you have things in common with. As I said, you're fortunate that you have the opportunity. I wish I did. And after some years of married life, I think you'll be glad to have formed some other relationships outside of just your husband. He can't be your whole world. That's too much to ask of anyone.

Also, I don't know what your husband does for a living, but in many cases, part of being a wife is taking on the responsibility to accompany your husband to business cocktail parties and dinners, hosting parties, entertaining bosses or clients, etc. It makes the husband look bad to his bosses, clients and co-workers if his wife isn't attractive, charming and social, and has at least some kind of knack for entertaining. It could be your husband is also feeling this kind of pressure. If you don't return calls from his co-workers or their wives, don't talk to anyone and just stay to yourself, you will quickly get the reputation of being rude or "stuck up," too cool for the room, etc. And that could color how they feel about him.

Talk to him and find out exactly what his expectations are and more importantly, WHY it's so important to him. Then tell him what you are willing to give, and see if you can come to some kind of compromise.





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