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Relationship Health Message Board


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I recently got married and I feel like I’m ruing this relationship already. I don’t know what Is wrong with me. I just make men angry.

I grew up in a pretty conservative and religious family and I wasn’t allowed to date when I was in high school or do a lot of things that the other kids were allowed to do. Because of it I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 19 and I didn’t have my first real relationship until I was 20.

My first real boyfriend “Jack” turned out to be a real jerk. He was controlling and made me feel bad about myself. One month into the relationship he wanted to have sex. I wasn’t ready. I was still a virgin. He said that someone my age should be more experienced. He really made me feel inadequate and like there was something wrong with me. I foolishly kept dating him, and about a month later he got his wish. He got me to the point where I had had too much to drink, and we ended up having sex. After that all he said was “I can’t believe someone lost their virginity because of me.” A few days after that he broke up with me, and started seeing someone else. We worked together, so this was a hard situation, as he was my superior. I also heard through the grape vine that he was in such a good mood lately at work because he was finally getting “some” from his new girlfriend… and apparently for the two months that we dated he was always in a bad mood. I guess I have that effect.

The next guy that I dated was named “Rick” he we dated for about the same duration of time; two months. Everything seemed to be going well until one day he stopped returning my calls. Shortly thereafter a mutual “friend” asked me if Rick and I were still dating, because she had seen him out with another girl. So, it turns out that he started seeing someone else, and didn’t bother to break up with me. To this day I’m not sure what I did to screw that one up.

Anyway, as you can see my dating history is very short. I went on dates with a few other guys, but nothing that progressed past the first or second date.

This brings us to my current relationship. We have only been married 3 months, and it sounds like he is already wanting a divorce. We dated for like 5 years and were engaged for 2 years before getting married, and we never lived together before marriage. Over the years we’ve had our ups and downs and arguments, but always managed to pull through. However, since we’ve been married I feel that we spend less time together than when we were dating. Right after we got married, he turned the spare bedroom of our house into his “man cave” and that is what he calls it. He has his TV, Recliner, and video game in there. He plays this video game with all of his friends and he wears a head set and they communicate over it while they play. Since we’ve been married I feel that he spends almost all of his spare time in there. He works an earlier shift than I do, and gets home about an hour and a half before I do. When I come home, he will be down stairs, but I feel that as soon as I walk in the door he runs up to the “man cave” and will spend the entire evening up there, except when he comes downstairs to get food… and this is every single night. I’ve been trying not to complain because I understand that he needs that to distress after work.

Well on Friday we were supposed to have a movie night. We were going to go out to a movie, but we couldn’t agree on one. He absolutely refuses to see any “chick flick” that I might want to see, so we either have to find a movie that we both will like, or I’ll go with him to a “guy” movie that he wants to see. Well on Friday, I didn’t feel like sitting through a movie that I knew I wouldn’t like, so I suggested that we stay in, order a pizza, and watch a movie on Netflix. He can instantly get movies on his video game apparatus (sorry I’m not sure what it is called). So, while we were waiting for the pizza, he decided to go up into the man cave to play his game for a while, then he was going to hook it up downstairs on the big TV so we could watch a movie. When the pizza arrived, he came down to eat, but didn’t bring the video game station down to hook it up to the TV. I asked him why and he said that he would do it after he ate. He finished eating, and then basically told me that he was sorry, but he was going to play his video game for the rest of the night, and we could do our movie night tomorrow night instead.

This really upset me. While he was playing his video game, I notice he left his phone out. I know this was stupid of me, but I’ve been so upset and feeling ignored lately that I went on and checked his emails and texts. Well, I found all kinds of pictures of naked women that his friends apparently email to each other, and they were opened and saved in his email. I was so annoyed. I felt like, okay he won’t spend time with me, but he’ll look at these pictures. So, I went up stairs and handed him his phone while he was playing (I had the pictures still up).. All I said was “nice” and started walking away. Then he started to say that he didn’t know what this was, and then he realized that he had his head set still on… so he was angry at me for bringing that to him while his head set was on. He then turned it off and denied that he looked at those pictures and said that he moved then into the saved category because he hadn’t looked at them yet, but the thing is I checked his sent messages too and many of those emails he had “sent” out to his friends as well. Anyway, later that night we talked about it, and I thought things were okay again.

The next day he went to help his friend with an errand and was gone most of the morning and afternoon. I ran out and rented us some movies because I thought we were going to have our movie night. I got home and he said that 2 of his friends invited us out to a bon fire if we wanted to go. I said ok, and then he said he was going to go help his friend “Joe” work on his car and he’d be back in a few hours and we would go to the bon fire, then come back and watch our movie.

Well 10 o’clock at night rolls around and he still wasn’t home. I tried to call him but he didn’t answer… so I sent him a text and he didn’t respond. I waited a half hour and tried to call him again, but no answer. Finally 10 minutes later I got a text from him that read “hi” and that was it. So I called him again and the phone rang and rang like he wasn’t going to answer. And then he finally answered and said that he was on his way home now. I was angry of course when he got home. He said that the bonfire had been cancelled and that everyone just went over to his friends garage and hung out. So, then I was mad that he didn’t call me up and invite me over.

Anyway, he was pretty drunk and he spilled his food allover himself while we were talking, and kept dropping things and knocking things over. So, I was mad… and then he said that he had had enough of me and that he doesn’t need this. He said that he was two seconds away from leaving me, and that he would have no problem walking away. He said that last night when I brought him his phone, that he was so angry that if I was a man he would have punched me right in the face.

He also went on to say that all the guys at work told him he was crazy to get married since we don’t have any kids and are currently undecided if we want any. He said the guys at work said that the only reason to get married is for the kids, and that since we don’t have any there is no point to marriage at all… and that he is starting to agree. Anyway, I ended up apologizing again for barging in on him while he was playing his game… he was so drunk that there was no point in having a rational conversation with him. He said he told them that you get married for companionship. They told him that "you can buy companionship." This hurts me so much :(

So, I ended up putting the movie in that I rented and within in first 10 minutes he had fallen asleep… in fact it is noon and he is still sleeping, and I’m assuming he will sleep all day. I feel so sad and alone right now. I now know that he wants a divorce… but he was drunk… I don’t know if he really meant it. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this, but I feel so depressed….

… I just don’t know what is wrong with me….

Writing this out has helped me feel a little better. I know that it is long, but if anyone read through it and has some constructive advice for me I would appreciate it. I really have no that I feel I can talk to about this… and I know what I did was stupid by confronting him while he was on his game, but there is nothing I can do about it now… so please no rude comments about how dumb I am… I feel so alone right now.

He has also be talking about getting cable hooked up in his man cave, and putting his bed from his parents house in there. If that happens i'll really never see him because he will obviously live in there...

I dont know what to do.

Thanks….





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