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Need Advise Please
Nov 22, 2011
My boyfriend of four years broke up with me about 7 months ago and my current boyfriend (who is two years younger - 19) and I have been together about four months now. I was incredibly upset over my previous relationship and jumped into one too quickly, so I was still healing from the old one when I began the new one. As a result of that, and having no one that would bother to listen to my emotional pain I sent my ex Facebook messages knowing full well he almost literally never gets on there and would just delete them anyway (and I was right). My ex decided to snoop my account off of my ipad and read said messages. Thus began a very unhealthy cycle. As a result of finding this out, he hacked into more of my accounts and out of spite like a child it lead me to lie more and more, about little things even if I knew he would find out - which lead to more account hacking. Including my e-mail, and every other network connection save for my bank account. We just fueled our own issues. EVENTUALLY, we began to get over it. So I thought. My ex sent my current a message on Facebook (seeing the pattern here with the stupid social media platform?) in which he threatened to beat him up should my current ever try to contact his current again. To clarify, that contact was a friend request I asked my current to make so I could see her page. Thats it. Being both male and young idiots (ex is 21) they just got into a verbal argument with threatening one another and my current pulled me into the situation by demanding I make a choice between contact with my ex and himself. After about three days of misery with one another, I compromised and said I wouldn't speak to him unless it were certain circumstances like he needs me to take the utility bill off his name, he needs to contact a friend we both know, or it is an emergency. Bitterly, the situation was resolved. I hated it, because I consider ultimatums a form of control and I sincerely HATE being controlled.

Yesterday my ex messaged me on FB saying that he was sorry to have dragged me into the situation, though he still intended to fight my current as a result of their argument. My current responded to this by demanding I never speak to him again and to tell him so. I nearly copy and pasted exactly what he told me to say, except for the phrase "since you intend to beat but my boyfriend". This single phrase resulted in him throwing a fit about how I am saying my ex will beat him up. My response to that was an emotional explosion I had been keeping in from the moment the problems started with the FIRST problem. Just when I started to calm down, I get FB message from a girl at his work who he knows has an interest in him, who is sitting in the car with him talking at the EXACT moment the message was sent, informing that it is inappropriate for me speak to my ex at all and she is "concerned" for him. Needless to say this re-ignited all the anger. After hours later that night of yelling and civil talking, we found a middle ground where we thought maybe we could be alright. He didn't understand how I deal with situations and considered any response but how he responds to be incorrect.

Despite us finding an even ground, I still cannot help but feel animosity toward him and his "requirements". I don't feel I should have ever been brought into their ridiculous fight, over FB of all things, and while my ex apologized right away I had to nearly PULL an apology out of my current.

What I need to know is 1: While I understand and acknowledge why he felt/feels the way he does, I don't agree and I resent him for his treatment of me. How can I get over that resentment? Should I just get over it or am I justified in being upset at him (technically them)? How can/should I handle all this to make life more bearable?

Its miserable knowing I lost someone who was still a good friend, over a fight that shouldn't have involved me to begin with and because my current boyfriend DEMANDED I never speak to him again. My ex now sincerely dislikes me, and my current is all sorts of pleased because he got what he wanted. I however, am miserable and can't seem to just let it go. Any of it.

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