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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

So you shouldn't get rid of an car that is broken and constantly stranding you in the middle of nowhere and that needs a ton of expensive repair work because you've had it for a long time and you don't want to "waste" the time you've had it? That makes absolutely no sense. Neither should you stay in a relationship with someone who needs "help" (and who won't admit he has a problem, let alone want to "fix" it) because that means you'd have "wasted" 3 years? I never understand that mind set. 3 years is a blip, but if you stay wishing and hoping that he'll someday see the light and admit he has a problem, seek help, and do the work necessary to make changes, you could end up "wasting" 10, 20, 30 years...not to mention the damage that would be done to any children you might have with him, who would have to live cowering in fear of an angry, bitter, destructive father.

And having some kind of label to put on it (bipolar, BPD, depression, etc.) doesn't make it ok that he behaves this way. So many women want to have a diagnosis so they can tell themselves "it's not his fault he acts this way! It's the (bipolar, BPD, depression) that is MAKING him act this way! I know that's not REALLY who he is!"...which is bs. That's just an excuse to stay with an angry, abusive and destructive man because they don't want to be "alone". Trust me, "alone" with your self-esteem intact is way better than being in a relationship with a man like you describe. Yes, I'm sure he can be a great guy sometimes, but that doesn't cancel out all of the lousy things he says and does.

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