It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


My partner and I recently moved to a new country, which has been hard to deal with. We have had to find new jobs, house, everything and have struggled for money.

Recently, we met another couple and became friendly with them, which really helped us settle in and have fun. My boyfriend gets on really well with the guy and I get on really well with his wife - perfect, I thought. They are both ten years older than us and at first it didnt seem to matter - if anything they were protective of us and their age and experience helped as they had also emigrated.

Lately, I feel like the friendship has become very intense. We are seeing them most weekends and about twice in the week. They are amazing cooks and often have us over for dinner, so then I feel like we need to return the favour and stress about being as good a host.

My boyfriend seems to worship them, and when we are with them it seems like he is constantly trying to impress them by saying things that seem odd to me - like I'm hearing someone else talking. He's 2 yrs younger than me (24) and I think he's just eager to impress and its quite sweet and childlike in a way so I didn't really mind too much.

As time goes on, im getting more and more uncomfortable with some of the things this couple say. They have a lot more money than us and are both in high powered jobs and can sometimes come over as elitist and rather condescending about 'working class' folk, which I consider myself to be. My boyfriend just joins right in, which is unsettling me a lot.

Recently, the things this guy has been saying are getting more unacceptable to me. He has made several comments that I considered quite racist about a particular nationality of people and the fact that he has said five or six different things about the same group of people makes me fairly certain that he holds serious prejudices. He has also made offensive jokes and used offensive terms to describe disabled people and my boyfriend has laughed along with him, which shocked me.

When he has said things that offended me, I have stayed quiet and I'm ashamed to say that. I've always believed that the reason such derogatory terms persist is because people don't challenge them and the fact that I've sat back and stayed quiet makes me feel disgusted with myself. I just feel like this friendship has been important to us as a couple and it has been making my bofriend so happy to have made new friends here that I didn't want to embarrass him and upset everything by accusing someone of being racist and offensive when - perhaps- they are 'joking' and just don't realise how offensive they are really being.

Well tonight i broached how uncomfortable it made me feel with my boyfriend and he got really upset. He told me I should have said something if i really felt offended and that I was being stupid. He said I was oversensitive because I'm a youth worker and have worked with a lot of young people that would fit into the categories of people he was joking about. He told me that many people are 'casually racist' and if I got upset about all of them it would be ridiculous.

Now he's feeling really upset and like i 'pulled the rug from under him' because he really felt like this couple were great friends and now ive told him that I never liked ths guy all along (i didnt say that... i just said i was offended by what he said.)

How should I proceed? Is my boyfriend right? Should I let this go or challenge the guy the next time he says something? I really do enjoy their company the rest of the time and I do think they are good people... but I'm worried my boyfriend is going to soak up this guy's idiotic views.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:40 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!