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A Few Questions
Dec 26, 2011
Alright, well... I've been seeing my current boyfriend for a little over a month. We met at school (University), became friends first, and he asked me out. Our relationship goes pretty well, all things considered, and he is my first boyfriend (which he is aware of). I'm just worried that I don't make enough initiative in the relationship. Does this really bother men, in general? I mean, in the beginning especially, he told me that he liked that I was inexperienced; he found it interesting. I want to try and make more initiatives, but I really don't know where to start -- help? I like it when he initiates things, I'm always willing to go along, and he's already made me step outside of my comfort zone a few times which I am grateful for. I've always been a bit insecure (He's always telling me how I'm beautiful and how he has no idea how I don't know it, cheesy things like that) and shy, definitely the quiet type. I'm more of a listener, not a talker. I get pretty anxious and nervous thinking about different scenarios and how things can go wrong... so I know that I'm always anxious and overthinking things, but it's hindered me in the past. I wouldn't know where to start, to take initiative.

There is one thing in our relationship that bugs me a little bit: He is really heavy into drugs. Now, when I say drugs I just mean weed, and that's it. But it's at the point where he gets high multiple times a day... I mean, I do see him while he's sober, but he's freely admitted that he's addicted to the habit and if he was to stop for a long period of time that he'd get very unpleasant. He's had some scrapes in the past because of drugs (Was arrested for trafficking, but the charges were dropped... he got kicked out of his high school for this). Should I be worried about this? I mean, it doesn't really bother me now. But I can't help wondering if this is really a habit that is going to last forever, because I know that some of his adult family members get high regularly, so it probably seems normal for him... not for me. I know that down the road I'd want him to stop. Yes, I know we're early on, but I can't help thinking that if he's going to be a lifer that this is a waste of my time. It's unfortunate, because I really, really do like him.

Oh, and just let me clear this up now: I have never done drugs, nor does he expect me to.

One last thing. Any advice for a long-distance relationship? We live in different cities (about 25 hours apart...) and this holiday break has been pretty tough because I'm used to seeing him everyday, having him stay with me overnight most nights, and now I've only been able to text with him/Skype with him a couple of times. He's not much of a texter, and my phone is pretty bad for not receiving texts, so a lot of the time I don't know if I just didn't get a message or he didn't have anything to say in response (he texts with a purpose). Sometimes it takes him a good while to respond to texts. I feel bad, because I'm always the one initiating chats or Skype calls, even though he clearly enjoys them and doesn't want to leave once we start talking (our last Skype call lasted 4 hours). Should I feel bad for always having to bring up Skype? I mean, he does initiate texts and everything. But I just feel like I'm being needy or something, wanting to talk to him. I'm just not used to not seeing him everyday, I suppose. Should I worry so much about this, or if he doesn't want to, will he just tell me? (For example... I texted him earlier, telling him to let me know if he had free time to Skype tonight; no response yet. I know he was with friends earlier, so should I worry about not getting an answer?)

Sorry for such a long post! I really appreciate any advice on any of these issues; I really had to get them out...





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