It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Jan 4, 2012
I consider myself a long distance relationship veteran.

I am married to a Military Wife that's making new friends on the other side of the planet. We dated for many years but have now been officially married for 4 years. Custody issues prevent me from joining her now. The plan is to be reunited within 6 months to a year. I haven't been with her or anyone else since the summer. It's understood we are not in an open marriage.

We communicate regularly via email and online chat briefly before she has to go [insert solo activity] . We do skype and some video as well.

There is an older guy in her life now. He's 54 she's 30. I'm guessing they have known each other for 3 months now. Apparently he has a girlfriend that my wife knows well but refuses to marry.

I feel that this guy and my wife spend an inappropriate amount of time together occasionally drinking They recently returned from a 400 mile week long trip without his girlfriend included. My wife told me that they slept separately (her on the floor) but under the same roof, and that she eventually plans on giving him open access to her spare bedroom whenever he's in town. His girlfriend lives 10 minutes away by bicycle so I don't understand why he would want to spend the night with my wife if it's just a platonic relationship with her when intimacy is only 10 minutes away for him.

He has met my mother-in-law via video chat and my wife has met his parents too which I see as another violation among many. Naturally, I don't approve.

I see all this as a complete betrayal and disrespect to our matrimony for bringing him into our inner circle regardless of whether or not she's had sex with him (which she continuously denies and I have no reason to doubt)
She insists there is nothing dirty going on so it's justified & that I should trust her more.

My wife says she won't do anything with him, and that he hasn't tried to do anything with her and that she would reject him if he tried, but that she would continue to remain friends with him regardless. (blows my mind)

I think she has naive trust and disregards everything I say as though it's irrelevant.

She claims to make me aware of this because she just wants to be honest with me and let me know what she's doing. It is true I would rather hear it from her than anyone else and don't want to lose that.

She insists I don't trust her and that I'm jealous. I stand to my assertion that what she is doing is just plain wrong. She says I don't want her to have guy friends. That's only partially true.

I don't want her to have guy friends that I don't know and are around usually when I'm not. If I knew this guy, different story, but I don't know him. She wants me to meet him some day. Why would I want to meet him at this point? I feel she's being cruel and insensitive.

When I tell her how deeply her new attitude hurts me, and how she doesn't behave how I think a caring and loving wife should and how she seems to invest more time with strangers and not as much time defying the distance with me as we used to in our earlier years she roboticly replies:

"Only I can make me happy, only you can make you happy"
"You need to find what makes you happy"

I tell her she's being selfish and that it seems being with others makes her more happy than being with me. She says she chooses to be happy instead of being miserable. I don't see how trying to defy the distance with her husband now makes her miserable.

I think her philosophy defeats the point of us having each other and being married.

She says I'm wrong because she loves me and wants to have a future with me then sends me google links with the following search terms:

" only you can make yourself happy marriage "

I think she failed to consider that maybe this philosophy does not apply when two people are separated by vast distances.

Am I being a jealous baby?

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:50 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!