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Break up
Jan 11, 2012
I'm still struggling to get over a bad break up that happened around 4 months ago. He found someone else, a week after he told me he loved me for the first time.

I often don't blame him for breaking up with me. I wasn't a bad girlfriend but I could have been better. My heart was open to a relationship in years and it took a while opening up to him. We were long distance too, which certainly didn't help matters, but I was willing to move for him.

A month after our break up of no contact, I did tell him about moving to be with him but it was too late by then. Bad things were said out of hurt and anger and I went no contact for months.

I tried new hobbies, I made new friends, I travelled - everything you're meant to do to get over someone. But it's not working. Time? I feel like I've been heartbroken and grieving for such a long time, I don't feel able to give it much longer!

I got in touch with him recently to be friends. I know most of you will say that's the worst thing I could do but it isn't. It helps me to be 'civil' and 'friendly' with exs. He's being a little guarded and distant but he's been ok since I told him I had a boyfriend. That's not true but it was to put him at ease. I am going on dates but that's it. My heart isn't open to anyone else.

It still hurts so much. I miss him and our trips.
It didn't even take me this long to get over my first love.

Our relationship wasn't very long, ours was his shortest relationship and probably most insignificant. He's never made me feel like he's really sorry for what happened. He's not contacted me since the break up, it's always been me.

I'm finding it difficult to just let go and move on and I'm not too sure why. I can't possibly wait until I find someone else because I don't meet men who I feel that way about every day or year!

I'm working on the other aspects of my life, planning trips for later this year, trying to get a new job that involves travel etc but it's all taking so long and it's really getting me down. A year ago, I just met my ex. I miss our times together so much.

It seems that this is all that ever happens - I get heartbroken and I struggle for a long time no matter how hard I try to move on.
Re: Break up
Jan 16, 2012
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;4911856]No, don't do this. You're right, he won't care. He won't see it as explaining or making amends. He will see it as you pleading your case, and making a pathetic attempt to get him back.

This is why it's always a good idea to get some distance, and break contact with someone who has left but for whom you still have feelings. I know you believe in staying friends and making nice, but the fact is, that will just make it harder for you to get over him, and it will slow down the healing process for you. Every time you think of him, talk to him, try to contact him, etc., it's tearing the scab off the wound. I really don't recommend it if you really want to get over this guy and move on.

You also need to stop beating yourself up. This guy wasn't the one. And if there's something you think you did to mess it up, all you can do is learn whatever lessons there are to be learned from it, and carry those lessons into your next relationship. That's why we have relationships. So we can learn and grow and become better people. They all aren't meant to last.

Hang in there. If you really want to get over him, and work at getting over him and moving on with your life, you will.[/QUOTE]

Hi Larrylou'smom, thanks for your reply.

We didn't talk for a couple months, that seemed like enough distance. I like to keep things friendly with exs and I thought it would be a good way to show him that I'm moving on, I'm ok with the break up etc. Something to do with my pride perhaps?

I need to accept I was an insignificant girlfriend and he got over me well before we even broke up, he already had someone else before we parted ways. Now months and months down the line, when he's in love with someone else, of course he wouldn't care. I'd look like more of a fool than I did after I tried to win him back a few weeks after the break up. I was hoping he would regret his decision.

I've dated, I've travelled, I'm trying new hobbies. The travelling was fun and I have more trips planned with my friends later this year. But until then and at least spring time, I know I'm going to be stuck in this dark phase. Winter certainly doesn't help for a number of reasons.

I can't help but beat myself up. He was a great boyfriend. I should have put more effort into things. I didn't and now he's gone. Unfortunately, there's not a lot to learn from this.

I'm struggling to think in a positive and constructive way to be able to move on. It's really got me so down. I thought I'd be over him by now! But the more I date, the more I want him. The more I do fun things, the more I want to tell him about it.

When I really think about it, I know it's really over and it bothers me that I could feel this way about someone who left me for someone else, someone who hasn't bothered to stay in touch because he's too busy with a new girl.

I finally let someone into my life, I trusted him and look what happens. I've been single for so long, and now this just makes me want to be alone for even longer. And I don't want that.

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