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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


KTCI - for what it's worth, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. I've been through almost the same thing. Except with my break up, it was him who did the leaving. I thought I was over it, but I guess in the back of my mind I always thought somehow, someday, we'd find our way back to each other. Then I found out he got married, to a woman who was 180 degrees opposite of the kind of woman he always said he was looking for. I lost it. I got back in contact with a mutual friend of ours, who also just happened to be best man at my ex's wedding, and I did not have sex with him, but did end up fooling around a bit. Mainly because I needed to know if another man would make me forget what it was like to be with my ex. It didn't. In fact, I broke down and cried in the middle of it, because like you said, it was so hollow and empty. This mutual friend turned out to be a crazy jerk and we broke off contact, but it did help me get a better perspective on the situation.

You're sad right now, and we all do regretable things when we're hurting and sad. You sound like a very nice young lady, who is just sad right now, so PLEASE don't beat yourself up over this. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Unlike my crazy jerk, this Rick of yours really sounds like a nice guy. Maybe you don't feel love for him now, or maybe you're fighting feelings for him, but that doesn't mean he can't be a good friend. I think you should have an honest talk with Rick and tell him you enjoyed your night with him, and appreciate his kindness and friendship so much, but you're still working on getting over your ex and you're just not in a "relationship" place right now, but you value his friendship. If he's as nice a guy as he seems, he'll understand and still be there for you even if he doesn't get to sleep with you anymore, at least not for now.

You can't move onto any new relationship, or really any new aspect of your life, until you deal with the break up. The whole "I'm alone, and lost my one true love" vibe will color everything you do until you get rid of it. We all have break ups, and life goes on. It doesn't make us broken or "damaged goods" or unworthy somehow. You just need to keep telling yourself that until you believe it. Tomorrow comes whether we want it to or not. It's up to us to make it as good as we can. Remember, even though you're young, life is short, and youth is shorter, and it's gone before you know it. Don't waste it pining over some jerk who wasn't right for you. Especially when you're so much luckier than I was, and you have a great guy already all lined up, ready to try to love you. Whatever happens with Rick, whether he's a part of your moving on or not, the moving on is essential, and you've got to start getting on with it. it takes time, but it also takes a willingness to make it happen. Hanging onto the pain won't make the jerky ex come back, and it won't make him stop being a jerk. It will only keep you from living as full a life as you could. Good luck to you.





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