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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Trusting men
Feb 19, 2012
I had a horrible relationship in my early 20s. The guy never loved me, never said it and never showed it. This left me feeling insecure and hurt. I didn't trust him. This lead to many issues, dramas and plenty of arguments.

After a number of years went by, following the break up, I learnt from this painful experience and I grew up. I realised that not all men are the same. I realised the best way to be is to trust men. I knew what I wanted from a relationship with the right man. No drama. No games. Trust. Stability. I never wanted to be that emotional and needy woman again. I wanted to be an adult.

So I was very happy when I met my recent ex. He was mature and had plenty of relationship experience. He was patient while it took me a long time to get to know him and open up. Eventually, we got there. He flew to my country to declare his love for me. I was so happy. Finally, a man loved me and I believed him. A few days after that, he dumped me for someone else. They're living together, they're happy.

I trusted him big time. He always used to moan about an ex girlfriend who was too controlling and had trust issues. I never wanted to be that girlfriend.
I even encouraged him to be friends with one of his exs and didn't have a problem when he met up with a previous girlfriend without telling me. We're adults, I thought. And he loves me, I really, really thought he did, deep down.

There are so many self help and relationship books out there which emphasise the importance of men. That way, men do not feel trapped and are able to open up more.

Yet my experience has shown me not to be trusting. To keep them on their toes.

There is another thread on this board about being friends with an ex. Most people say no, and to ask the boyfriend to stop being friends with his ex. So not very trusting. And it appears the best way to be.

I'm back to where I was in my early 20s. I think the best way is not to trust a man and not to let him have many female friends.

So much for growing up.

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