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Hi all,
This is my first post on here and any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

I got divorced from my husband of 12 years last year, after being seperated before that. We have remained friends throughout and the split was very amicable. We have 2 boys which we share 50/50, life is good :)

I started dating my boyfriend a year ago, i had known him from work for about 4 years and had always got on well with him.
Obvioulsy past relationships were discussed and i assured him that i was over my marriage and ready for a relationship. He then told me he'd had an affair with a married woman at work which had ended 2 years previously (she had ended it), he said it was just sex, no feelings and that there was no unfinished business. She began texting him as soon as she heard we were together, he didnt reply but i could see it bothered him. He changed his number and blocked her on facebook so she had no way of contacting him.

6 months in to our relationship, he started to act strange, i knew there was something but didnt push it, after all we were still getting to know each other, maybe he was having a few off days. He told me that he had been thinking about this woman a lot. He said that he had fooled himself throughout the affiar to believe that it was just sex, that he felt nothing for her. He said he didnt want her back and he didnt even like her as a person but that he was having dificulty getting over her and the affair. He even told me that she keeps popping in to his head and it was making him depressed, he said she had popped in to his head whilst we were in bed together. This completely messed my head up but we talked it through and it was decided that we would stay together and work through this together. He promised he would give 100% into our relationship and that he would do everything he could to get over this.

Then last week, a year in to our relationship i find out that hes written on his forum that he cant get her out of his head, i questioned him about it and he admitted hed unblocked her off facebook so he could look at her profile and see what she was doing, im devestated. He admits he has an obsession with it all. After theyd split she went on girlie holidays abroad and had no problems getting over it all. He says hes not obsesed with her, he hates her and wishes hed never gone anywhere near her, its like hes obsessed with hating her tho. He feels like nothing bad has happened to her, she walks around work like she owns the place and this bothers him greatly. Her just walking in the room last week reduced him to tears, he said it was a reminder that hed upset me so much, but i dont know what to believe any more.

If he has an obsession then he needs to get some professional help doesnt he? But what am i to do? I have to work with this woman and she loves the fact that shes been there before me and threw him away when she moved on to the next one she had an affair with. She is in a position of authority over me and is constantly picking and rude to me, Im scared im going to crack one day and i cant afford to lose my job.

I want to be suportive and i believe him when he says he loves me and i am his future. He has been totally honest with me (sometimes too honest) so i know he doesnt want her back. he says he has had this beore and was obsessed with his first girlfriend 2 years after they split and that it will pass but its been a year and I dont know if i am strong enough to deal with all this tho. Its kind of made me develop an obsession, im constantly comapring myself to her and feel threatened. I keep thinking, if he loves me so much, why is he willing to risk us for a poisonous affair which ended years ago.
I desperately need help with this, at the moment we are having some time apart, we both need space to get stuff straight in our heads and ive got some big decissions to make. I love him dearly and it would break my heart to walk away but im going round in circles here.





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