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Relationship Health Message Board

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hi guys...
its been a while since ive posted a thread on this place and i guess because i thought i was coping well when actually ive been having the hardest time of my life.
I know its seems like the same situation over and over again for a lot of us complaining or finding it very hard with our partners etc but i think for me...this is the most difficult of all.
Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 14 months...and i just feel like things are never ever gna get better. he has the worst anger problem i have ever known anyone to have...and its come to a point where i need to let go but im absolutely terrified of the repurcussions.
all he has seemed to do lately is just invade my confidence and self esteem and try to destruct it by firstly...saying that i need t lose wight..concerning mostly my ''behind''. Now this might be crazy..becasue im a healthy eater go gym 3/4 times a week and have lost weight and maintained my lifestyle quite well and am a size 12 where im quite built. He has always hated me doing boxing which i love the most...apparently my cardio workouts have made me put on me weight and all this rubbish palava that is meant to make me feel insecure. rest assure i am a confident girl. but there is no talking or explaining anything to this guy anymore. at all. i have tried all ways possible and nothing works. we always argue...i have eczema on my arms quite bad when im stressed and recently now on my eyelid which has come from crying quite a bit and now stress.,..but he has recently screwed at me for saying it looks horrible and im not doing anything about it which is why he has gotten really angry. the worst thing is i know my body and my stress levels enough without anyone having to tell me what to do and how to do it with losing weight and everything its just ridiculous. this guys shows no concern anymore....and its all about what he thinks is right and wrong.
Ive tollerated more than i can and to be honest im at breaking point. i cant talk to my mum about it because i dont feel this relationship is hardly steady for me to even tell her i have a bf. but moreover...i finish uni this year and i will get asked if im with someone or not.
this is where it gets worse...i have tried to leave him and explain i am not happy no more....but he has never been the type to say he wants to break up. its always been me to say it. and his mum has been ill for about a month now only to have found out 3 days ago she has cancer...unknown for a week whether its terminal or not.
He says he needs me...ok i understand that and i always will be because no one in any state shud ever hav to go thru this alone...but hes taken almost everything out of me....and some of it which is deliberate such as weight and eczema...its not even weight...its just my ass...and im sooo certain ive been blessed with bad luck where sumone after a whole year cannot accept me for who and what i am anymore. its like he woke up one day and decided to say all of this. im sure i dont wanna marry sumone who is like friends have told me and seen how he has been with me...u can cut the tension in a library at uni between us with a needle....but with the mum and cancer issues...i dunno what to to in my last 2 months of uni and i dont wanna mess up at all.

im mad at myself because i was always an independent girl and still am...but i was always firm in knowin i didnt need a relationship yet..i guess no one can chance anything...but im mad at myself for letting it get this far and i have no idea how to take control of it.
any sort of guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for takin the time to read this.
thank you very much for your reply. it means alot to me.

with regards to the situation, i live in east london and he lives in north west. we are a good 30 miles terms of moving i mean i live with my parents and we are at uni together.
i read somewhere...anger comes from people always thinkin they are right and others are wrong and it spirals out of control so i dont believe a relationship to work if its only one sided.

:( when i used to hear people say relationships are hard and hurtful in a bad situation...i now knw where they were coming from.
i will keep you posted.
for example like today...this is the most ridiculous thing...we was at uni today...and me him and one of girls went to grab a quick bite to eat...we;d left our bags with a mate in the library reassuring them we;d be back in like 20 mins...
he has no shame in talkin to me like an idiot in from if everyone...or moreso shall i say i cant believe no one else can hear hw he talks to me its ridiculous.
he kept saying hurry up and eat hurry upp...when my firends are like saying '';oh hows ur day been hows the work geting on''...i made it threw one sandwich...and he said..''ahh your talking too muchh hurry up''
i made it clear i;d be back in time to get my bag because my laptop was in there...but talkin to me like i had no value i felt hot and like i was going to cry and storm out but i did not intend to make a scene.
so i said id lost my apetitie i cant eat when your rushing me i'll finish it later..and becasue id eaten so quick i felt sick...i just got up and said we can go now or we'll be late...
my girl was like u aint finished eating and as i said i dont want to...he got really angry and followed me out...
so that no one could hear wat he was gna say...he caught up with me...started to argue saying why i did that...and told me to **** o** and called me a ******g sk**.
i ended up crying in the library being supported my my girls who have now realised how i been going thru and putting up with this behaviour for a long time. i miss the days feeling like i had someone..its not even a need...but the pure feeling that i cud enjoy.
ive never felt so low.
hes then text me playing the mum card....i dont even wanna call it that because i feel horrible and selfish...but it seems like i have to tolerate his behaviour even more because of him mum having cancer.
out of all the people right now...i can feel sorry for myself...but i feel most sorry for his mum.
ive told him where i stand with him and if he cant see that....its just too bad. my bad side is that i been told im too nice. :(

im glad to hear she is getting help through DHS...always better to seek help i guess you knw what they say if it dont kill it can only make us strong.if theres any justice in this world...i know i'll be free from this and be with someone who loves me for all my goods and flaws.
thank you for listenin to me...itt means so so much.
The best thing for you to do is turn and walk away with your big booty winging! :-)

A man who truly loves you would never say ANYTHING to make you sad. Trust me, I went through so much and I found someone who can't even yell at me. I don't believe I deserve him but he sure makes me know I do.

No man or woman has the right to take your self esteem or pride. Walk away and never look back!

Next time it won't be just words, he will want to isolate you from everyone/ everything. Then, it's smacking you around a little, always being sorry and smacks you right after saying it blaming YOU for him being angry.

Just walk away!

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