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Hi, I am hoping for some honest input here. I have been dating a man for over a year. He moved in 4 months ago and doesn't contribute to any of the household expenses.

Here are some of the facts. He has a 22 year old son and an 20 year old son. 1 lives at college and the other lives in his old apartment with his girlfriend and baby. My bf supports them by paying all of their bills. They both work but he wanted to give them a head start by helping them out. Well, neither my bf ex-wife or the girls parent pay anything. In additional, the son and girlfriend he is supporting both work, they go out etc.

My bf also makes less than me. When we started discussing money, this was after he moved in, he doesn't think it's fair to split things 50/50 because he makes less. He said I would make out because I would have more money to put away if he pays 1/2 of the expeneses. I said you are using 1/2 of everything so you should be contributing. He said he isn't gaining anything by moving in and I would. He EXPECTED to gain $$ by moving in while supporting his grown child at my expense??

So, in a effort to be equitable, I said let's split the expenses 60/40. He says he can't affort anything now until the "kids" are on there own. They go out for dinner, buy liquor, and spent $700 on an Iphone. I said that is out of control and he needs to make them responsible adults, his friends also told him that he needed to have them pay for themselves. He finally asked them to pay the food bill, that's it. In the meantime I pay for all of the food, utilities, mortagage etc.

Last week he got a bonus and we booked a vacation which we are splitting 50/50. I booked it and he was going to give me the $ after the bonus check cleared because he didn't have the $ now. I asked how much did he have in the bank, he said he didn't know and would check. Later that same night he said he went to the bank to deposit the check. I said how was your balance, he had over $3,000 not including the bonus! This is after he paid his kids rent, utilities and his own credit card bill. I was livid! He said to me " did you think I was holding out on you"...I wanted to scream YES!!!

I don't get how he had close to 4,000 in the bank every month (this is after his own bills and kids bills were paid) and he had the nerve to tell me he couldn't afford to even help with our food bill. He doesn't think $4,000 is alot to have in the bank and doesn't want to go below that, well I have to because I am picking up all of the expenses.

A few more things. He has picked up the check only 2 or 3 times when we have gone out. Either we split or I pay it all. I have no issue splitting. I just would think that since I pay for everything else he would pick up the bill when we went out.

Also, he is getting a big tax refund. He said he is giving $500 of that to his other son. Made no mention of taking some of it to contribute for the past 5 months with me.

I need help here. Is he taking advantage of me. Are my expectations too high. Am I wrong about his financial support of adult children who work themselves is ridiculous? I just think he has been taking advantage of me.

Advice please!
I wanted to thank everyone for their input.

I have a few complications. He is going on a business trip out of the country in two weeks, and won't be back until mid-april. We do have a vacation booked at the end of April (yes, the only thing he did contribute to and it was 50/50, and I had to keep asking about going because he had booked a trip with his two sons and friends but wouldn't book anything with me) and we wouldn't be able to get the money back or change who is on the tickets. So it looks like I will have to stick this out until after the vacation.

In the meantime I am still going to pursue trying to get him to contribute, although it is painful at this point. I hope no one minds me venting about this stuff, I do realize it is just more of the same.

Yesterday I was talking about the heating bill and some other expenses. He reluctantly offered to pay some towards the heat, but didn't write out a check last night or this morning. I had another deposit to make so I asked him did he get a chance to write out the check, he said no he would do it tonight. I am tired of reminding him, and tomorrow is his birthday so I will feel like a jerk asking him for money on his birthday.

Also, we were at the liquor store last night to pick up a few things and he got up to the counter first, then said to me go ahead. I put my stuff up and paid for mine and then he paid for his. I was so mad, because so many times I have gone to the liquor store etc and picked up things for him and never asked for the money, just did it because I was being nice. Unfortunately I NEVER get that in return. Again, I don't expect someone to pay for me or take care of me. I am looking for mutual contribution and just little things like I do for him.

UGH UGH UGH:rolleyes:
He obviously doesn't care about your feelings, so why be so considerate of his?

I know, you probably are a nice person, but when does nice turn into doormat?

You are waiting and waiting for him to "change", to start doing something he's shown time and time again he's just plain not going to do. What if he wanted you to change into a man? That's about as probable as him volunteering (and following through consistently) to contribute financially.

This is not going to change. This is exactly how your life will be with him forever. Can you accept that you are going to support him for the rest of your life? If not, the time is now to end this.

You can still go on the vacation! What does going on the vacation have to do with him living with you? Can't you two still go if he has his own place? I fail to see the connection between the two.





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