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Relationship Health Message Board


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this is gonna sound weird, but I know this guy who has a problem. Let's call him Joe. We met online at a rock band fan club message board and then met in person at a concert. He always talks about his girlfriend (GF) and all the stuff they do. I had a boyfriend when I met this guy, but I recently just broke up with him, so I joined a dating website and saw Joe's profile. There was no avoiding it because I set my options so that who ever I look at, they can see if they choose from menu "who viewed me" - so he emailed me there.

He has low self esteem. I couldn't help but ask him personal questions about his GF - I mean we're good friends and I found him on a dating website when I know he's still dating his GF.

He actually told me that he thinks he is short and that girls like tall guys. He's not really short. He's 5'6" but when walking besides his 6 feet tall friends or hanging out with them at a bar, he looks short. then he said he doesn't think his face is good looking. I think it is. I always thought he was cute even though I had a BF.

So I asked him why he cares what other girls think of his height since he already has a GF who loves him. First he was like "Girls don't even look at me. My friends get hit on at bars and I"m ignored." Then he said, and this is what made me come to this board!!!!

He says "I'm insecure and try to show this tough exterior that might make me look conceited."

In other words, girls could pick up on his fake character and think he's full of it or conceited. It's like he's acting a certain way ON PURPOSE to be the opposite of what he really is because he is weak and insecure.

On to his other problem - so I said to him "so you think you may break up with your GF? if you meet someone here? (the dating website)"

His answer was he needs to feel wanted. I asked if his GF makes him feel wanted. He said "yes of course, but I want more. I want more attention." I asked him why and he said "I want women to want me, I don't feel wanted by them."

Then my advice was "It shouldn't matter what other women think about you or whether they want you or not. All that matters is what your girlfriend thinks of you!!!"

He said "I know. That's my problem!!! When I go out, girls don't look at me. It's because of my height. I know I shouldnt' let it bother me, but it just kills my ego"

I had no idea what to say. We were texting this time and he was answering very quickly so I had little time to think. All I could think of was "They think you probably have a GF anyway because you're good looking so they dont bother." Then I said "You don't have eyes on the back of your head and your peripheral vision is limited. How do you know girls aren't looking at you when you're talking to your friend? It's rude not to make eye contact with the person you're talking to, so you can't see ALL that's happening around you when you're with your friends (on a guys' night out - no GF LOL).

His response was "Really good point, but I'm selfish and needy"

How could this guy admit he wants attention of several women? Why is he so needy?

Should I give this guy any advice? If you think yes, then what exactly? Thank you!!





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