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Relationship Health Message Board

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I find it interesting that she lied, cheated and abused you physically and verbally...and YOU feel pity for HER! No wonder she wants to hold on to you! There aren't many people out there who accept so much abuse, who even tolerate being thrown out on their ear in a foreign country, and then conclude that they "love" the person who treated them so shabbily! You are also making her happiness your personal responsibility, and that's just not logical.

You do realize that your difficulties in getting past this and away from her are due to your refusal to cut off contact. You CAN help it, there isn't some outside force making you type the text messages and press "send". That's you doing it. You want to hold on for some reason. Maybe it feels good to finally have the upper hand, to finally be the one who is receiving the begging and pleading instead of the one doing it. I'm sure it feels good to read all the I love yous and the I'm sorries.

Let me share my experience...I too was involved with someone who lied and cheated and treated me poorly, so I broke up with him. He begged and begged me back, declaring his love and swearing he couldn't live without me, telling me that he realized I was the one he truly loved. So, I (stupidly) gave him a second chance. After a brief "honeymoon" period, he began to treat me horribly once again. He had learned something all right...he learned that if he said all the right things he could sucker me into coming back. He also learned that he could abuse me and I'd take it...after all, I came back! He even told me that I must like being treated like that because I came back and stayed with him. Well, I broke up with him again...this time for good. I won't be fooled a third time. And I cut off contact, changed my number and moved to a new house so he can't drive by or try to call or text. And it's been a tremendous relief, I don't miss him one bit.

You are absolutely right that if you do decide to go back things will be nice for a few weeks...until she can't tolerate being nice to you anymore and starts abusing you again. And this time it will be worse, because she will know that she can do any horrible thing she feels like doing and you'll come back if she apologizes prettily enough.

I hope you stay strong and don't allow her to sucker you into going back to her. If you truly want your life to be better and stay that way, I recommend you cut off contact. Change your number and don't respond to any emails or messages. If you do that, soon you'll start to recover and you'll wonder why you put yourself through all this torture. Especially when you meet a nice girl who doesn't abuse people.

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