It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=outlandish;4958969]Dont think that I can do this any longer. I miss her too much and still obviously love her. Think I am going to crack and go back. Cant stop thinking about her and she's going through the same for me.[/QUOTE]

You said in one of your earlier posts that nice guys finish last. No they don't. Doormats do. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Your problem is NOT that you're a nice guy. Your problem is that for some reason, you've chosen to be a to-a-fault nice guy to a tyrant hot mess of a woman who doesn't want it, doesn't appreciate or respect it when she has it, and just wants to play games with you.

I don't mean to be harsh with you. I know what it's like to keep going back like a moth to a flame to someone who doesn't treat you right and never will, loving them for who you wish they were, who you hope they'll become someday rather than for who and what they really are. I didn't have a choice. He dumped me and disappeared and married someone else. But now, many many years later, looking back, I'm glad it didn't work out. I had over-romanticized the good parts and turned a blind eye to the bad parts and I was missing a version of the relationship that was more my imagination and wishful thinking than reality. I can tell you from personal experience that it would be a mistake to do this to yourself again, because like Einstein said, the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Yes, sometimes people change. And hope for her own sake that she does someday. But her becoming a different person for YOU, when she's already proven that your happiness and well being isn't important to her at all, you'd have better luck winning the lottery. Why WOULD she change for you? Because you managed to love her into loving you? Only in the movies, my friend. I hope you don't have to learn the hard way. I hope you can somehow find the strength to make a good decision for your own life and leave this woman alone and find a nice girl, who maybe isn't as hot or as physically sexy as this woman, but who will truly love you, in a healthy, non-co-dependent, mature way, and who will be a true blessing to your life. There's a chance that girl is out there for you. But sadly, you will never meet her as long as you're devoting this much time and energy to this woman who has already proved that she doesn't really give a rip about you. Think about it.

I have posted 2 threads in this forum over the past 4 years. Both were about my girlfriend and how out of order she has been. Read up if you like but I will summarise:

1. Got together in my country England

2. Spent 2 years together in England whilst I finished University and agreed to move to her hometown in France after. A rocky 2 years where she was abusive both physically and verbally, managing to fall out with most of my friends and family members.

3. I left my hometown to be with her in her country (despite numerous warnings on this site and from friends and relatives). She refused to stay in my country and wanted to be with her friends/family/environment and I was willing to try it.

4. Spent 2 years in her hometown in France living with her parents. I got along with them just fine and all her friends and family like me. Our relationship was ok, although I was homesick at times but still managed to start my own business and settle in somewhat. Basically she was doing her life and what she wanted and I was just there (thats what it felt like at times).

5. She told me 4 months ago she needed time and space! I thought that it was a great idea and that I would come home to England and think about where my life was going there and go back with a new perspective on us, the same as I thought she would take a fresh look at us, all positive.

6. HOW WRONG AND GULLIBLE WAS I LOL! She needed the time and space because she had met someone else (who worked in a DIY store) and from the day I left contacted this person everyday and slept with him and saw him for almost 2 months before telling me, the whole time keeping me hanging on in England thinking we were getting back together.

7. During the "time and space" I sent 12 roses to her work place, visited her in France as a surprise only to be sent home the next day saying she needs more time and space, sent her hundreds of pounds worth of xmas presents only for her to say she wants nothing from me and make me cry on xmas day.

8. After months of torture (no sleep, thinking, her stringing me on like it would be ok) and lies (saying she was at a girl friends, no replies to my txts/emails) she finished with me, saying some harsh things. 3 days later she gives me 100s of missed calls and txts saying it was a mistake.

9. After a while I get back to her and agree to meet her to talk about things. She finally spills the beans and out of instinct I say I forgive her (dont think I do) and we come to an agreement to get back together but I come home and take my time. One day she says take your time, the next she says dont bother to come back. She even saw the guy again which I had to lie to get the truth from her about. She said it was to finish with him - yeah right, on a friday night!

10. So, this is where we are at, do I go back after what she has done to me or not??!! I have started to settle back in at home and all my family and friends think it is crazy to even think about going back....

So, she is a liar for months, a cheater and has a history of doing bad things such as kicking me out in a country that I have nobody really to turn to with my luggage at 2am, physically attacking me, insulting my friends and family, doing what she wants regardless what I say or think, spoke in a sexual nature to another guy on messenger a year ago, loses her temper over nothing, etc, etc.... BUT, I love her and could easily go back to her tomorrow..WHY!?

GUYS reading this, trust me this is what happens when you are nice to someone and they take advantage of you, hence why good guys finish last. Could you forgive this betrayal?

P.S. In 4 years I didnt even kiss another a girl.[/QUOTE]

Woah!! I would never go back out with her!! Why can't I find a guy like you?!? I posted on here, "How could this happened?" about my terrible breakup that just happened two weeks ago. He lied to me all the time and I bent over backwards for him because I loved him. I gave him my heart and soul and now it's in a million pieces. I haven't heard or seen him since. We BOTH deserve much better! I wish I had a guy that treated me how you treated her. I never cheated or lied to my ex. I never cheated or lied to anyone!! I'm so honest and faithful and always get bad things happen to me. You are a nice guy and deserve a woman that will respect and love you. I'm sorry you wasted those years, but don't waste anymore! I was with my ex for almost 7 months and the whole time he told me he loved me and how we were meant to be. It's was all lies and now I finally see it! One day the right person will come to us. Don't settle for less! That is my problem and I refuse to settle for less anymore! I know you are heartbroken and so am I, but we will get through this. Stay strong!
[QUOTE=outlandish;5028441]Well, it has been 7 months since she lied and cheated after asking for time and space to see someone else then finished with me only to beg me back ever since. I still dont know what to do as I still think about her all the time and miss her and love her. I cant seem to move on! I was just reading the emails she sent to me when the lying was going on where she claimed to be with friends, family, etc, but was with the guy..where she said I love you and miss you but was with him...That made me feel abit better but I keep thinking about her and still about going back.[/QUOTE]

Just ran across your post, wondered how you are making out. I was in a similiar situation as you. Ex cheated on me after 2 years together (one night stand), what I thought was one time, and after 8 mos I took him back. He told me all the things your gal did-- and yes, he dropped 20 lbsm was depressed, etc... He seemed sincerely remorseful and seemed to have really learned his lesson. It took me a long time to trust him again, a VERY long time, but I got there. Fast forward to almost 6 years into the relationship, nearly engaged when I found out he had cheated again. This time I left....for good.

After the breakup, I found out he had actually cheated for the entire 6 years, many one night stands. It was far worse than I had thought. I'm not saying your girl did the same but cheaters and liars tend to get better at hiding. He was on best behavior for a while after we got back together but once the comfort zone set in, he went right back to the cheating. Very hard to catch it too when its one night stands.

Its not the cheating that changed me, its the deception. I cut contact, and he continued contacting me for 18 mos despite not one returned call, email or text from me. People like your ex, and my ex- they dont like being exposed. To save their reputation, they show sorrow and remorse and figure if you will talk to them, take them back, etc.. then they aren't as bad of a person as they feel, or appear to others.

My opinion is, even if she's sincere and you go back- things will never be the same. Trust me. You will find reason to doubt things and its no way to live. I hadn't even realized I was doing this, and I didn't realize how unhappy I actually was the last 4 years, until I cut complete contact. Its been 3 years now- sure I miss him. But its really the person I thought he was that I miss. The liar, the cheater- well that wasn't the guy I loved. But it turned out that WAS the guy I loved.

Cut complete contact. It could take a few years to get her out of your system, you were together a long time. My ex would still take me back in heartbeat after all this time, but I lost respect and trust and no matter what I feel- I can never give 100% after cheating. Once you cut contact for a year, you will see things even more clearly than you do now.

Hope you are doing well. Stay strong. They say it takes half the time of the relationship, to really get over it. If that's true, its about 2+ years for you. It will go fast and you'll be a better person in the end for it.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:25 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!