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I can see it's essential for you to believe that he has feelings for you but is "afraid" or "can't admit it". I don't buy it. If a guy is interested in someone, and she puts out all of the signs that she is interested in him (which you have done, despite your belief that you were backing off, you contacted him first a lot of times), he doesn't back off because he's "afraid" of his feelings! He moves forward. And this guy just hasn't. If he was truly interested, he wouldn't have seen you ONE time in NINE years! He would have made much more of an effort to actually see you instead of just texting.

I have a guy friend who has made it clear he's interested in me. I've told him (in a much nicer way than this guy you're writing about did) that I am not interested in him that way. However, I consider him a good friend, so occasionally I'll text him to say hello or to comment on something I think he'd find interesting. EVERY time, he leaps on my texts and tries to turn them into something romantic or highly personal. He then starts to text and text and text! I then have to back off from contacting him, not because I'm "afraid" or because I have feelings but "can't admit" it, but because I don't want him to think I like him that way! I had to stop hanging out with him because he'd always bring up us dating or want to rub my back or something. It sucks that I can't be friendly toward him, but if I am he always takes it as a sign that I want to date him.

So maybe this guy you're writing about feels the same way...that he thinks you're a cool friend and he wouldn't mind hanging out, but then you take it to mean he's interested when he's really not. I don't agree with the way he told you, but it seems like he felt pushed to be very blunt with you because he thought you wouldn't get the message any other way.

OR...he was just bored and had nothing going on and figured he could always start talking to his old standby, you, and that would give him something to do until something else came along. If that's the case, then he's just insensitive.

Either way, it sure seems like he's not going to change his mind and decide to start dating you.

Has your therapist given you any good suggestions on how to overcome your fear and anxiety over meeting people? I guarantee if you fill your time, not only will you be too busy to mope over this guy, but you'll meet lots of great people. And you might even have fun!
[QUOTE=CadenceA;4974279]
I have a guy friend who has made it clear he's interested in me. I've told him (in a much nicer way than this guy you're writing about did) that I am not interested in him that way. However, I consider him a good friend, so occasionally I'll text him to say hello or to comment on something I think he'd find interesting. EVERY time, he leaps on my texts and tries to turn them into something romantic or highly personal. He then starts to text and text and text! I then have to back off from contacting him, not because I'm "afraid" or because I have feelings but "can't admit" it, but because I don't want him to think I like him that way! I had to stop hanging out with him because he'd always bring up us dating or want to rub my back or something. It sucks that I can't be friendly toward him, but if I am he always takes it as a sign that I want to date him.[/QUOTE]

Not to derail the thread but I'm just curious. What was that "nicer" way of telling him you weren't interested? The nicest way a woman can tell a man that she's not interested is to say to him emphatically something akin to "I like you as a friend but I wouldn't be interested in you as a romantic partner." If a man refers to an outing with you as a date, the nice way of making it clear to him that it is not a date is to say just that - this is not a date. Hanging out as friends? Sure. Date? No. I once told a lady friend with no shame the first time I agreed to meet with her for an outing that it wasn't a date. I still treated her but she KNEW what I meant when I said it wasn't a date and that we'd just be hanging out. From that day onward, she has displayed NO misunderstandings about my level of interest in her, unlike your guy.

Maybe you haven't made it clear enough to him? And if that's the case, I feel sorry for the guy. Maybe I'm working with a dusty and worn out book. Nevertheless, in my book, good men and women don't fish around. Even with that uncertainty about someone's level of interest in us or potential interest, there's a sort of pre-commitment that good, sincere people put themselves up to when pursuing someone they're interested in coupling with. So with that in mind, I feel I'd be doing a horrible thing by not freeing someone of that pre-commitment, knowing I will not even GROW to have interest in them that way.





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