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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hello.
I did edit this post because it did not do justice to the wonderful girl who is my girlfriend.
Also, I believe that being IN love is different that just loving someone.
So I am at a predicament with my gf right now.
We have been dating several months (just less than 5 months).
We are both freshmen in college, we live in the hallways adjacent to each other so and we spend most of our free time together, even though I never wanted to be a couple that spends all that time together.

I essentially got my heart broken when I first got to know her in the first quarter. we made out at a party while she was in an "open relationship" witha boy in another country, and I was hurt because she because she rejected me when I tried to make out with her a week later. She said her boyfriend called off the open relationship, making it closed.
Naturally, her long-distance relationship fell apart and I was avoiding her well. She simply hung out with another boy(who was an jerk and ditched her without explanation) for a month until the end of the first quarter.

So before winter break we sparked up a real romane and she started dating me, finally. I was still kinda hurt from the initial rejection and cautious of her sincerity because I believed that she was a serial monogomist with insincere attachments, but I learned what her relationships were really like. Yes, she is a serial monogomist but her feelings for me are very real.
She is in love with me, and this took courage for her to tell me since she sensed it wasn't mutual yet. She has explained how her past relationships were not real love (the last was immature, the previous was just naiive youthfulness, the previous was just her best friend).

Now about me.
My initial infatuation at the begining of the year turned sour, but in the last five months I have seen new sides of her and built trust but my feelings for her seem to have limits, and I am stressed about my future and with school.
Now we are at a standstill.

How I feel about her:
She is fascinating, charismatic, energetic, hard-working, intelligent, a go-getter, gorgeous, overall the kind of girl I always wanted to fall in love with.
To let her go would mean that I am letting go of a really wonderful person who loves me with all her heart. Besides this loss of an opportunity for me to really love someone, I would find myself lonely.

I would not break up with her simply so I can go chase other women, enjoy the single life, whatever. I am pretty sure I love this girl, but our feelings for each other differ.
She thinks about her future and imagines me in it, 3 or four or more years from now. She enjoys imagining we would have a dog since we bought fish together and we enjoy taking care of them together.
I, on the other hand, cannot think of my relationship status for more than a year ahead. I am excited to road trip with her this summer, to visit her town and ride horses and hang out with her. I am excited to show her more of my city and introduce her to all my friends.
But I recognize that I will not be "in love" for a long time and cannot imagine making huge sacrifices for her, since school is my number one priority along with figuring out my major, career, passions, etc.


She is in love with me, and she wants a future with me. She says that life is about the connections you make with people and she says that I am the most interesting person she has ever met, that she wants so much for me and thinks about the future with me.

We almost broke up yesterday, both of us crying, because I told her that I loved her but I would never love her the same way. I told her that she has a powerful and passionate love that I do not, and for that I am sorry. I told her I see myself with her for the summer and next year, and after that it depends on my feelings for her and how they grow.

Sometimes I feel that I could easily be in love with this girl with enough time and less stress at school. However, there will always be stress in life.

I feel that she deserves to be with someone who is truly in love with her and will think about the future with her.
I think she could do better than me.
It hurts me to see her tormented when she doesn't know how I feel, and now she knows and we must consider our different feelings.
She is so amazing, but I cannot feel a passionate love like she does. I feel there is something wrong with me, or perhaps we just cannot be in love.
I told her that she is the girl I want to be in love with, but where I am in life right now, young and in college with stress, I cannot afford the "cementing" passion that she desires.

I care so much for her, and I told her that the worst case scenario would be losing her completely. If our relationship didn't work out, I would like to at least be friends with her. She is that important to me.

Any advice?





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