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Hey all, I just got out of a fight with my boyfriend of 6 years and I need some advice. I have been with him for 6 years....2 years, followed by a break of a year then 4 years. The break up was originally because I was not being treated the way I felt I deserved but we got back together when I felt he got his act back together.
Anyhoo...I always wanted to marry this guy. It was all I ever wanted. I did my best to keep him happy and help him become the man he is today. I realize that I could be a little difficult to deal with because I am a great arguer. The problem is that after 6 years of being long distance with him i finally got a job to be near to him and I got scared. I kinda gave up my dream occupation to be close to him so I am afraid I may have given up too much for something that may not pan-out. Here is why....
I had to fight with him constantly for a long time to try to get him to propose to me and I mean struggle. At one point he told me he was saving up for one just to shut me up because it was not true (he actually told me this himself). Then I finally gave him an ultimatum probably in February that if I don't have a ring by the time I graduate next month (June) I'm gone. He actually started to save for real this time. WHen he heard that I got the job near to him he became different...all of a sudden he was so eager to get married and happy and this is a month after he told me that if I don't end up in Maryland then we may not be together. Other smaller things that are wrong is that he still holds our break up 4 years ago over my head and he plays this victim like nothing bad happened to me and I felt nothing. Then during the break up he gave his virginity to someone else (but I kept mine) and then I gave mine to him when we got back together to prove to him that I really wanted to be with him (I know this was a horrible motivator). I was a strong Christian and I felt guilty over sex everyday since and it seemed like I was never actually getting closer to the weding day. Now in my heathen ways I am now curious as to what it would be like with other people. So now that those points were covered now to the meat of the situation....

In April I had three weeks off in which I stayed at his place in Maryland. We were already discussing our issues and were not on greatest terms and then his mother, brother and cousin came to spend a week. Imagine 5 people in a one bedroom apartment. I was really sick too, couldnt breathe, miserable, and with fever the day before. He and the two young kids started to play video games immediately and it was midnight and I was tired after the 8 hours of driving we did to pick them up in NY and get them back to MD. I went into the room to sleep. He dragged me out of the bed to sleep on the couch (which was still occupied fyi) because his mother was going to sleep there. I had to sleep on the couch, go to bed late, to video games and wake up to two kids playing video games before I got up. It was terrible. It didnt help that the mother doesnt show them that this is no manners. When I ask how come I have to sleep on the couch but his mother is too good for the couch he says that he has to take care of his mother or that is how I would treat older people, and I am selfish. I feel like some ***** who it doesnt matter if I have privacy cuz I have no rights. We tried having sex one night and his brother walked in on us. Then he is so gentle to his mother but he went psychotic on me in front of his family. His computer lost a button then he went on a tirade on how I treat his stuff like sh** and I dont care and I am so dirty and etc....in front of his family. All I could do was leave. If I am to marry him I want to be treated with respect. I want a man who would not humiliate me in front of his family like that and who would stand up for me and say that I am sick and I need some rest and privacy. I want someone who would think that the couch is beneath me too. He sees nothing worng with what he did and said that if he had to do it 10000 times over he would not change a thing. Do I have any argument here or am I just psycho?
He tells me that I am selfish but I was home with them all day and took them and and entertained them while he was at work or playing soccer at night. His mother does not really speak to me so I did not have an intelligent conversation for a week and then after I had discussed with his mother that I did not like a certain type of food she made a huge dinner the next day that was made up of only the food I did not eat. HE defended her....he said it was just something she makes. Am I right for having any reservations about this guy? I feel like I come last to him. When I was living in another state I came down to see him on a weekend and I spent the Saturday night, his birthday, all alone in his apartment because his friens wanted boys' night so I got left behind. The biggest waste of a 5 hour greyhound ride next to a smelly guy. I cant even come before his friends (who live in the same state). I feel beneath everyone. I just want to know if there is any validity to what I feel because he makes me feel like I am crazy for thinking these things. Am I just having jitters?

PS I did not break his computer button. And his mother is a caterer and has cooking classes so she had other options of meals to prepare.





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