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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


As some of you may know, I posted an earlier thread about my boyfriend regarding his weight. He is 100 pounds overweight and is always making excuses as to why he cant/doesn't want to lose it. I'm a physically fit person and we are both at two different ends of the spectrum. So that has caused some issues in the relationship.

Over the past few weeks I have caught him checking out other women in front of me. May not be a big deal for some, but it kind of got my "insecure" side going. Which led to asking him some questions about if he's ever cheated, if he wants to cheat, etc etc. And by my asking, it made him upset with me to the point where he was considering breaking up with me because he doesn't think I don't trust him.

Anyways, fast forward to last night. I caught him blatantly checking out another woman. He lied about it at first. We had a heart to heart conversation and he told me that maybe we would be better off going separate directions because all he ever does is "disappoint me", and that I deserve so much better. I told him if he's willing to try to improve himself as a person I would try to stick things out even if we dont share some common beliefs (weight issues, different faiths, etc). I said i'd give him a year to see what he's capable of doing and how much better of a person he could become. If he doesn't improve much over a year, I would be done. He agreed and promised he would improve. He held me and bawled his eyes out for a good hour.

So later on last night I happened to come across his logged in facebook page. And like many concerned women, I opened up his recent messages. (May not have been the right thing to do, but many women have to find out on their own to know if their partner is cheating) I found that he had been communicating with two other women. One of the women work at a restaurant that we frequent often. He was asking her for advice on our relationship and telling her that he was "so fed up with things" and that she was a "good woman." Those messages kind of concerned me, so I opened up the other message log to the other woman. I know this woman is someone my boyfriend has/had a crush on, and he was reconnecting with her. (I find it interesting that he sent her the note the same evening we have a pretty big argument) The message basically said "Have you met anyone yet? I promise I will make it up to you. where are you living now?" A few notes down he said that he wanted to be at least friends with her.

Today, I asked him if he was one of those guys who contacted other women during rough patches of a relationship as many men seem to do. And he told me no (of course). He has no idea that I read those messages. Where should I go from here? Should I confront him about it? Should I still give him a year to get his stuff together? Like I said, he's always acknowledging that I deserve much better and he isn't the greatest for me. It's just hard because we've been through SO much together over the last 3 years. I would be losing my best friend as well. *sigh*





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