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Ok this is the first time I've ever shared this with ANYONE, so bear with me. I've actually tried posting this story at least 4-5 times already, but always stopped short of doing so because of the guilt. I will try to be as concise as possible, but please read the whole post!

So...the story begins almost exactly two years ago. Our office hired a new girl into the department that I work in. It's a small place to begin with so we worked in pretty close proximity, actually sharing an office room. At first I was put off by her personality- she was ambitious and even a little brash, but not in a bad way. As we got to know each other through work, we started to realize how much we had in common. Sooner or later, we started to hang out outside of work- catching a movie, getting some Chipotle or ice cream, sometimes just going for a drive together. We even piled on extra workloads in order to stay at the office after hours together, ha.

During all of this, we were both seeing other people. She had a boyfriend of 2 years and I had a girlfriend of 5. We both talked about them to each other, which I think contributed to the ease of our friendship- clearly nothing could happen if we were both seeing other people, right? Wrong. Feelings started to develop, slowly at first. After a few months of working together, you could cut the tension with a knife. We didn't acknowledge it, and never acted on in physically, but it was obvious just how we acted and talked with the other. We could talk for HOURS on end and it would feel like minutes, it was wild.

All the while, I was fighting intense feelings of guilt. I was attracted to this new girl, but I still deeply loved my girlfriend. And although the new girl and I hadn't done anything physical, this was more than a casual friendship. I had been planning to propose to my girlfriend right before I met the new girl, and the whole situation actually delayed my proposal for several months- mostly because I was wracked with indecision. Eventually I popped the question to my girlfriend and she said yes! Everything seemed to be back to normal. Until...

Only 2-3 weeks after becoming engaged, the new girl's boyfriend got a job across the country and she decided that she was going to move with him. And something just snapped in me. I didn't realize how much this new girl meant to me until I couldn't be around her anymore. A week before she left, we finally came out and admitted our feelings for each other. It was very tough to talk about it, because we both had so much respect for each other and our significant others, we refused to act on those feelings. We also did not want to make our significant others suffer because of our attraction with each other, so we decided to stay with them and keep the pain between us. And like that, she left.

FAST FORWARD 2 years later...I am married and she is still across the country with her boyfriend. My marriage is great- our relationship never really took a hit because of this whole situation and she is an amazing person to be with. The new girl, on the other hand, has watched her relationship decline ever since she left. She feels stuck because she's scared to be alone, but isn't truly happy with her boyfriend. Even though I am happy with my wife, I still find myself thinking about this girl, and I know she does the same. We've tried not communicating at all, even for 4-5 months at a time, but it actually makes things worse because we're both always wondering how the other is doing. She's come back to visit a few times and we talk semi-regularly (couple times a week online/text/etc), but this indescribable thing between us will not go away and it's driving me crazy. Even so, I will not leave my wife for this. We have experienced so much together and are completely and truly happy together. My life would be a train wreck if she wasn't in it. But, how is it possible for someone to be in my head every day for two straight years?? I can't imagine having to deal with this forever- it seems like an impossible situation any way you cut it. Any advice?





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