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Relationship Health Message Board

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I'm starting to doubt my own memory and sanity.

I've been noticing a trend where my girlfriend is constantly denying / arguing pretty much everything when we have disagreements and misunderstandings. She doesn't seem to give any play, or accept fault or apologize in anything we talk about, and it's making me think that I'm a total a-hole boyfriend for always being in the wrong. This has been getting worse for the last 2 years.

I think that she changes/omits details to prove her points and be right. I don't know if she does it consciously, since it happens so naturally. Sometimes she makes a mistake but always seems to be able to engineer the conversation in her favor, leaving me feeling I'm wrong.

The arguments are about anything and everything. A few days ago I went as far in admitting that I was completely wrong, that I loose my patience too quickly, need to work on it and other things, apologizing, etc. Even then, she controverted me. I tried to reason with her, I was admitting fault, yet she opposed it all. This was an extreme case, but her general attitude is similar in many disagreements. She will deny and refute so often, even when it's a simple black or white situation where the answer is clear. The few instances where she admits being wrong, she will accuse me of yelling, raising my voice, being short, always finding something to pin down on me.

To others, this may seem like bickering, but it is starting to take a tole on the relationship and my mental well being. I am finding myself getting enraged when I go away to cool off after these arguments. I whip things around the room, break them, and think of leaving the relationship. I don't do it in front of anyone, but it's still very embarrassing. (I never think of being violent towards her or anyone else, and never am.) In the end, I always seem to be the one to go back to her to apologize.

I really feel as though I have to be the one to change for her, and it just makes me more angry. I remember Dr. Laura saying that you cannot change anyone, that you can only change yourself. How do I learn to do this and not be so frustrated about it? How do I learn to just let go of the small things and let it be?

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