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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=janelo131;5029602]Going to try to keep this short with most information needed for best opinion/advice. Been dating my M for almost 3 years, we are in our mid 40s. Him never married and has 13 year old son, myself divorced, married 17 yrs, two teens 16,18. For first year, he only saw his son about 5 times because of babymama drama and no legal custody/ visitation ever filed. After 1st year anniversary he starts court procedures for visitation, after months of courts dates, temporary custody, and now with permanent final judgement orders, he sees his son approx. 25%. The visitation schedule seemed to have changed every 6 months and just when it became comfortable for everyone it would change again. He has come a long way, and the realationship with his son can be very strained at times, the part that hurts him the most is the son refuses to call him dad, and his mother refers to her husband of two years as his father and "dad".
Needless to say for most of our relationship it has been dealing with this. When it comes to any future talk about our relationship, it is never the right time.. if its late.. "he is tired", if we are in public..." we should be home alone", if we are the phone..." it should be in person"... All the plans he makes revolve around the kids, planning trips, activities.. which dont get me wrong are fun, my kids enjoy his enthusiasm, as their own father is more low keyed. But Im begining to feel like a co-chaperone and its exhausting. I know we take the "edge off" when his son is around, I think he feels he cant entertain him when its just them two. I feel if I dont go along with these activities I would see him less. We live an hour away from each other so we dont see other more than twice a week. I dont know what to do... he doesnt want to talk, or will get angry if I bring anything up.. I feel awful since it involves his new life with his son. Do I step back quietly and see if he misses "ME" and not just "ME and my kids". Our 3 year anniversary is coming up and if he cant talk about a future with me then I think its time to move on..I guess I can honestly say I miss the romantic part of our relationship. How do you communicate with someone who refuses to?[/QUOTE]

Hi, in a relationship there has to be good communication in order to keep the relationship working. From the way it appears he has too much on his plate, so to speak, to listen to anything you say about the future plans for the relationship. This is going to frustrate and exhaust you over a period of time (three years has buikd it up) and may start regretting being in this relationship. He seems to not want to pull his weight in the relationship, so I think its time to move on. How much space do you need to figure him out is up to you, but something has to be done to open his eyes. I feel he is giving his all to his son and not so much to your relationship. Good luck and think about what you need from him and go from there.

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