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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I agree with wachix. That isn't meant to make you feel bad about yourself though. Things happen especially when we're not happy in a relationship. Here's the thing I want you to reflect on though...I've been in your shoes before. I've been with my husband for 11 years and we have 4 kids together. We have been married 4 years. He has somewhat of your old bf's personality. He's laidback and doesn't really express himself until the argument has passed. It's very frustrating, I know, especially when you got to be the one to bring things up. There's been times where I thought I wanted someone else. He was different from my husband. But when I told my husband how I felt and that I thought I was interested in someone else. That didn't make my husband very happy but he was willing to change things so that we could work it out. When I kept telling him no, he was slowly giving up. He would leave for work not saying bye to me. It was starting to take affect on my emotions. He would come home and not really speak to me. We were like strangers and it was really hurting me. When I'd be talking to the new guy I felt empty. I then realized "I'm only with this guy because I thought he was someone I wanted but the truth is I still want my husband. Because if my husband had those same characteristics, I would want him over this new guy." When my husband came home from work one night we talked about everything and we worked it out. A month later I found myself pregnant with our 4th child. The thing is, you simply cannot change a person's personality. It's even hard for the person to change their OWN personality. You're born with your personality, but habits you can change. But as wachix said, if you haven't spoken to your old bf about how your feelings then how could you have ever expected him to try and work on the things that bothered you the most? There are some things you would have to be tolerant of. Not everyone is the same and you want some kind of difference in a relationship otherwise it COULD get boring that way too. He's entitled to his own opinions, thoughts and feelings and you are too. He's entitled to not having to over react to something and you are entitled to crying hysterically over it even if he's giving you funny looks. We are all not the same and that's perfectly fine. Sometimes my husband and I still argue over these things but then I tell myself "I made the choice to stay with him because I was going to accept it." In reality, your old bf doesn't sound like a bad guy at all. I do believe you're feeling this new excitement with this new guy but deep down you wish it was with your old bf. I don't think you should break up with your old bf just yet. I also think you owe it to your old bf to talk to him face to face about your feelings before walking out the door. And you also owe it to your new bf because in case you do still have feelings for your old bf and you get serious with this new guy, you're going to break his heart, you're going to be heartbroken and your old bf may have moved on by then. Seriously think about everything before making a decision. I know your old bf loves you a lot so you think he'll forgive you easily but keep in mind, it's always those whom we love the most that we have a harder time forgiving and I'm sure it'll be like that for your old bf. He's in Afghanistan serving his Country. Wait 1.5 months for him to come back and then talk to him face to face. Tell your new bf you need time to think about everything before making a decision. You don't want him getting hurt in the process either. One last thing I want you to take into consideration is when I met my husband everything was exciting. He was basically that guy you are with now. But then years passed, and I noticed he wasn't the same person. He's going to be 30 this year as well so who knows if it's an age thing lol. And I'm 26 myself. As you can see, you and I are both younger than they are. We probably want to get out and do a little more. That's fine. But they probably feel "been there, done that". And yes to keep a relationship healthy and happy there are sacrifices to be made, there are compromises to be made, and that's one thing you SHOULD bring up to your old bf. If he's willing to change all this then maybe you should give it one last chance. You guys have invested a lot of years in one another. Don't let it go because some guy that is the complete opposite of your old bf comes along, just because he's something you wish your old bf was. You feel pain when you think of breaking up with him and that's because your heart is still with him. You don't feel like you're in love with him anymore because you aren't happy with how things are going. But I don't believe you are over this guy and I don't believe you are NOT in love with him. Think about this...if he came up to you and told you he was leaving you because of your personality, you would be heartbroken, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you feel like, he's supposed to be with you no matter what if the love is real? Well, I am sure that's how he's going to feel too. I can understand if the love was gone and you felt complete emptiness when you're with him but you didn't say that. You said you still love him. So there you go. Just think about it before leaving.





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