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Relationship Health Message Board

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I dont know if this is an age crises thing for me, but receantly turned 30 and I am not sure if I have ever had a girlfriend. I have my whole life serious self-esteem problems and I think would be a problem with my personality. Im kind of a nice guy. Girls tend to like me a lot at first..I am deceant looking, socially normal, and do ok with girls with a little liquid courage..I just dont have a strong personality and they tend to lose interest quite quickly after that first phase.

When I was 17 I met a girl from school and we went on 3 or 4 dates and made out several times. She dumped me after that...I went out with her again when I was 18 and the same thing happend.

When I was 19 I lost my virginity to a girl after a couple of dates and we stayed together for about a week until she dumped me.

When I was 21 I had a girl whom I didnt really like that I guess was more or less a booty call (I knw I was being selfish) We saw eachother off and on for about 3 months. We just partied together and she came and visited me at my home a couple times when she was back from college during the summer.

22-24 I was in college and had several 'hookups'..actually not that many. I think 3. One girl I saw on a reg basis...but found out she had a boyfriend already.

25-26 -- Had some more 'hookups' in the bar scene. Didnt like any of them..lasted only a night.

26-27--Joined the military--didnt go out for a year.

27-30 -- Been living in europe.... Had one girl who we went all the way with and went on 2 dates...another girl the same...neither of them worked out. One scared me away and the other was just not nice i found out. Then I meet one girl who I really liked.

I met this girl and we stayed in contact with eachother for about 5 months. But we saw eachother very little...went on 3 dates. First weekend we meet here..and then 3 weeks later I visited her for a 3 day weekend. We lived 5 hrs apart. We texted eachother several times in between...but just mostly for making plans to see eachother again..and flirt a little. She came and visited me again and it was kind of a bad weekend that killed the relationship ( i got too drunk and puked on the bed) She said it was ok and all..but it eventually led to no more contact. I was a bit heartbroken because we really hit it off.
I would love to say that the last girl was a girlfriend..but in reality it was probably was just a fling. I think for people to be a couple they have to both like eachother in that way, call each other, text, say loving things to each other etc...and be together for a good little while.

All in all I can say that i dont think I have ever had a girlfriend and I hate it. I feel like such a loser and abnormal. I do understand there are plenty of people in the world who have never even kissed the opposite sex, but from the social groups that I have been around my whole life I am out of the norm.
Anyways any thoughts on this? I would even think there has been plenty of sexless couple who have been in more of a boyfriend/girlfriend relation than I have been....

In all of this I would have taken back all the one night the time I felt so lowly I just didnt care, plus just that human sexual need. I do feel like I had been sleezy..I really wish I could have been a normal person that has been in relationships for periods of time and then meet the one to marry. I get depressed thinking about it like I am some damaged good. I feel my lack of relationship experience and not having a strong personality (which I am working on) has killed my chances for being to get and keep a girlfriend.
Hi Waywardson, I think that the criteria for defining someone as a girlfriend/boyfriend thing is a broad question. There are many different answers to the question. First of all I want to say enjoy the single life when you are able to. We should never depend on another person to make our life happy. I think to be considered in a relationship the couple should discuss being exclusive. I also thing having intimate encounters still can classify as a relationship, as long as they have been together for awhile, even when there are no strings attached. I hope you find the person you are looking for, but in the mean time take care of yourself.

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