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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


A little bit of background: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I'm 19, and he is 18 and about to be a senior in high school. I, on the other hand, am not enrolled in college and only have my part time job. He works as well, but not very many days a week or many hours. For the past year and a half, we have hung out every single day together.. up until when I broke up with him 2 months ago because I couldn't handle the way he would argue with me - storming off, yelling, cursing, hitting things, leaving me crying.. I begged him to change it for months and he didn't, so that was that. I started seeing someone new, ex and I didn't talk for a month.. then he texted me asking me to go get coffee with him, I did, and after that we kept up slight contact and hanging out, and I began to see that I really wanted to be with him despite everything. Now, we are going back out and things are good, we're doing things very differently, and he's been better with the arguing.
However, here lies the issue - in that time we didn't speak for, he made new friends, started going to the gym, and started working more. I can't say that we don't spend enough time together, because I'm sure we do, it's just that I was so used to having ALL of his time. Even before that, we used to have the same group of friends, because when we were in high school together we knew all of the same people, his best friends became good friends of mine, and when he wanted time with his buddies, I was there and it was the norm. However, he had a fall out with his friends and stopped speaking to them.. neither of us really cared to be with anyone besides each other, so we really just spent this whole past year together. I came first in his life, he came first in mine.. we would drop anything and everything either of us were doing to be with each other. Now, everything is different. He's trying to "balance things out" between me and his friends, and I don't like it. I hate it, actually. I know it's wrong for me to feel like this, and I know it's healthier for us to have lives outside of each other, but I just can't adjust. I have friends I could go out with, but the thing is I don't WANT to. I would rather be with him.. I'd still pick hanging out with him over doing anything, and I just can't understand why it's not the same for him. Lately, I've been spending almost all of my time at home when I'm not at work, and the fact that he's choosing to be out most of the time instead of with me is making me build up resentment for him. He says he just wants things to work, doesn't want us to get back into the habit of seeing each other every day, and wants to make time for his friends too.. but I don't understand why they've become such a big part of his life when he's only known them for a few months.
Also, because he's younger, his friends have a lot more spare time than mine do. My friends are busy with college and work and so we really only get together MAYBE once or twice a week for lunch or dinner and we might have a sleepover, but his friends hang out every single day.. all day. He is the only one with a girlfriend and the only one with a job.. it's just so annoying. When I see my friends, it's only for a few hours, or once a week all day. His friends never take a break from each other, and he feels like he should be there all the time since they're always together, so he goes and spends almost all day 3 days a week with them. I want him to want to see me as much as I want to see him, and more than he wants to see them. It actually makes me so jealous and mad at him when he's out and I'm home doing nothing, so much so that I don't wanna text him or even see him the next time we have plans together. (That feeling passes eventually, usually by the next day.) It's just so hard for me to get used to not coming first to him anymore.. it makes me feel insecure, unloved, and like I'm doing something wrong. I'm aware that I sound like a crazy, selfish, jealous girlfriend, and mainly, that's because I am right now.. but I recognize that and want to change it. What I really need is other people's input.. how can I not feel like this? I know that it's wrong. I've talked about it with him, he knows how I feel, but venting isn't making me feel any better. I'd just like to get other people's opinions on my situation.





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