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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

It does seem that you are analyzing every word, expression and action. There is nothing much wrong with this if you are not shaping things to fit into a pre-written script. For example, if you feel insecure, that will colour all your analyses. This relationship may not be a keeper, until you can both communicate more effectively. There are two versions of everything you say - what you said and what the other person heard. If these are not congruent, then there is a problem. The best way to deal with this is to "check out" what the other person means. Paraphrase their words back to them (do not just repeat). He says "You are annoying me"; if you paraphrase and say, "You must be feeling bad if you find me annoying" (just an example). Then he could say, "Yes I do feel bad, I guess that is what is making me grouchy" - communication success. He doesn't sound as if he is committed to you at all, and that will definitely make you search for "meaning" in everything, either for reassurance, or to prove yourself right in being insecure. At some point, all this becomes a case of life being to short, and not wishing to dance in the same spot for any longer. I wish you the best, Sera.

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