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Relationship Health Message Board


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OK, so, after reading my question, you may realize it seems that I am not in dire need of an answer, or it may seem that I'm not even in direct need of medical counsel. If you believe so—or that my question is petty, immature, or unnecessary—then I'm sorry I wasted your time, and you need not answer. Just a quick back story to help you understand where my question comes from: I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend (I'm male, by the way.) for a little over two years, and I've got a sneaking suspicion she may be cheating, or may recently have cheated on me. As far as what's been revealed, she hasn't had sex with anyone since before we were dating, but we've barely had sex in the last few months—it may have even been almost two months since the last time we did (I realize this is an unhealthy relationship, and will most likely soon end either way, but I'd just like the question to be answered for peace of mind, and possibly to safeguard myself from catching something). Also, importantly, she has had consistent history with cancer cells somewhere in her reproductive system (not sure exactly where, cervix maybe?), and has had to go get screenings once or twice a year, and has had surgery for it once in the three years she's known she had it. Now, the question: yesterday, I guess she accidentally left out a bill from a medical lab that I couldn't help but notice. There were $800 in tests, comprising of "Trachomatis AMP Probe, Neisseria AMP Probe, Trichomonas Vaginilis AMP, Pathologist Review, and Surepath PAP." She didn't tell me she was going in for testing—although, that wouldn't be too abnormal—but I'm just trying to gauge whether or not I'm at risk, and whether she actually cheated. Is this combination of tests common for some sort of routine gynecologist appointment? If her appointment was initially intended to monitor the cancer cells, would the gynecologist perform these tests? Or, are these tests normally only performed if a woman either has symptoms, or has slept with someone and worried that she may have an STD? She is an avid hypochondriac, and has an extreme fear of HIV, so I'm not sure if she gets these tests several times a year... Could this specific combination of tests just be a method for her to alleviate these hypochondriatic ailments? Also, are these tests just a basic broad spectrum of what a gynecologist would test for when a woman has slept with someone unreliable (meaning, is this basically testing for everything, or are these test for diagnosing a more specific, selective infection—revealing that she may have specifically known that she had a specific infection, rather than just going in and getting tested for anything that may be possible)? Also, finally, do these tests include ALL possible STDs? I know that she has extreme anxiety toward HIV and Herpes, and don't really think she'd get tested and not include all possible STDs if she was worried she had caught something. I'm real hurt, confused, scared, and worried, and I realize that most of the basis of my inquiry isn't really "medical" related—and is more of a relationship issue, but I really do want to safeguard myself from getting an infection, and I want to cure myself of the mental anxieties that this whole situation is causing me as well. Sorry for the length, and if you've read all the way through this: thank you for your time and patience. Any and all input will be helpful and much appreciated.
Some are definitely for STD's. It's possible she was never tested in the past and her OBGYN wants her to be tested to ensure she doesn't have a history of Chlamydia.

However, maybe your girlfriend has the same fears and thinks YOU are cheating on her? Perhaps, she is also concerned about your lack of sex life?

You definitely need to talk to her. What reasons do you think she has cheated?

P.S. I am almost 8 months pregnant with my second child. I have been married for almost 9 years. When I conceived my second baby, I was tested for STD's and HIV. Not because I asked, but because it is routine for OBGYN's to do this with pregnant women. And, not saying your GF is pregnant, but just an example of what is considered a routine check up.
You mention that she has a history of problems, like cervical cancer, maybe? Well, some gynecologists do routinely run a full STD workup on women with any sort of reproductive health issue, even if the woman herself states that it's very unlikely.

So, it could be she cheated, it could be she thinks you cheated, or it could be her doctor is just covering all bases. I don't know either of your OR her doctor, so I couldn't possibly guess which it is.

If you ask her about it, start low-key and open-ended. Like, "I saw you went to the doctor last week, everything ok?"
Thank you all so much for your input; I was worried that I'd get no feedback.


Just to clear up an issue: there's no way she got tested because she thinks I'm cheating on her. You may say, there's no way you could know that, but trust me, I know. She knows exactly where I've been at every moment for at least the past five months—besides when I'm at work—and, there's been issues in the past where she'd been jealous about this and that. She makes it clearly known when she thinks there's an issue. Whatever other reason you may use to dispute this, forget it... I just know. So, let's take that off the table.

Clearing up another issue: the tests were altogether $800, but that was before insurance. They came out to around $115 afterwards (which still seems like a pretty hefty copay to me). I can't remember ever paying anything near $115 in copay for tests.

I realize that I need to talk to her, and I [I]am[/I] working up to it. I'd rather have some idea of this situation first before I confront her (if I do) about it though.

Yes, she did have cancerous cells, and she was normally supposed to routinely be getting them checked out (which she always procrastinated on doing). Another thing that adds to my suspicions is that she flew back to her home town for a weekend for one of her friend's wedding's, which was around three weeks before she got the test.

I guess the few factors that could lead to me knowing whether or not she cheated are as follows. Is that combination of tests routine for someone who's getting screened for cancer? When a woman's getting those tests, are the HIV and herpes tests also available, or would she have had to go to a different lab or something? If they are also easily available, then she [I]definitely[/I] would have gotten them, and we can see that she wasn't truly there seeking the STD testing—the doctor must have just recommended it, or just routinely performed them along with what else she was there for.

I'm sure there are other factors about this that can be evaluated in helping me discover the truth. But essentially, I'm trying to get a three-course-meal out of a grain of rice. I'm not sure if investigating such a small amount of information will ultimately lead to some catharsis, but thanks a lot for your help everyone... Let's keep it going, eh?





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