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I was drawn to this board after googling pretty much the title thread.

Im a mess at the moment.

There is so much going on i just dont know where to start.

Basic underlying facts i suppose.

Ive been with my girl friend for about 6 months. I love her very much. She has said the same too many times to count too. Our relationship has been perfect bar one thing. She has borderline personality disorder. I accepted it and got on with it. Days can be rough but i put a line under it because when shes great, she is amazing

The disorder is down to her having gone through a VERY rough childhood.

There is a big age difference 34 to 19.

Shes the first girl ive ever felt like this before, the first person ive wanted to settle down with. I was worried about someone young so young being so upfront at the begining of a relationship saying she wanted kids and marriage but, well, it was her, and it felt right. We jumped in and got engaged and moved in together,

But the relationship has some problems. Ive been less than an angel in my past and she always said shes had a bit of a problem trusting me. Cos of the way i was and the way shes been treated in the past. But i digress every relationship has some blemishes.

The problem is, that shes now pregnant. Which is what she always wanted. We started planning our life.

One thing that keeps raising its head is that she has said at the begining of the relationship and now again that she has wanted a bit of a break to be alone. Shes never had much freedom with over bearing parents and abusive boyfriends. But with me shes felt safe enough to ask. It didnt happen initially as we were so much in love and it just didnt work out that way, we couldn't stay apart. But now the hormones have kicked in and shes has been VERY VERY ill with it. Sick all the time to the point of having time off work, weve been arguing alot and i dont know why, ive put it down (as so she) to the hormones and being tired of feeling ill all the time. But the subject has come up again the other week.

Shes now turned round again today saying she wants to be alone and have that space she never had, she wants to be single

She still wants to live together to support and look each other but she cant deal with me and the relationship. She said it in passing a bit over the past weeks , but then fliping back to being all couply and talking about our future. But today she said that it was a thing, it was happening. she wants to be alone. Shes said its not to sleep around or go off with people. Its not that shes doesnt want me, she just doesnt want anyone. Shes cited feeling the way she does and how were are arguing alot.

But where does it go? Shes said we can still go on dates and build up and see if we can rekindle but for now she wants to see her friends and have space.

Is this temporary. Its it shock, hormones, the bpd, all three. Do we just not work together?. The arguing i cant help but put down to her impatience and short temper and my sadness i suppose that everything is less than perfect and my reacting badly to it. But shes pregnant its understandable i thought, so i was doing my best to rough it out. Now shes said this and i think the whole relationship is in jepordy.

Im getting so many mixed messages:

"if we dont work out if wont be cos of someone else"
" i need time to be alone with out you"
" i you to stop pushing for somthing to be perfect"
"ive told you time and time again and you dont listen to what i want"

(this last one is a bugbear as i do but she changes what she wants me to do from week to week - last week before this she was telling me its me and her vs the world and not to go out and stay in with her and not leave her alone at any time as she was having trouble coping and she had been upset by a so called best friend)

but at the same time, as i say, she then starts talking about me being there at the birth, and us still living together and how she still loves me. In fact as i type this shes just come down before going to a friends house with a quick "now give me a kiss and ill see you later, love you"..***

Im so confused. Ive told her ill always be there but im so petrified that if i give her the space she will some how realize shes better off without - i dont think she will but i worry. The other day she was telling a friend how wonderfull and patient i am and how lucky she was. I just cant reconcile what she does and says from one week to the next and this weeks sees such a shift but yet certain things staying the same that i dont know what to do think or say.

i love her like no other - and my initial fears of getting involved with someone too young grow and grow - but knowing how she feels in the good moments and the things she says means that logically i shouldnt worry and just brazen this out and she'll come around. But as she says (because she never sugar coats anything) " you dont know what will happen in the future". Shes so jaded by her past i think that she rarely says things to put peoples mind at rest and this of all times is when i need that.

Help





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