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I've been in a circle of best friends with two guys (call them Peter and John for the sake of clarity) for a few years. Peter is gay and has always been madly in love with John, but John is straight and obviously not interested. I've been Peter's confidante for quite some time, and I love him unconditionally despite his sexual orientation. He's a great friend and we used to be very close.

Now, a couple of months ago, John and I realized (after many, many years of close friendship) that we loved each other on a more romantic, deeper level. My feelings for John are pure and sweet, as are his for me. We are so compatible and everything. Our relationship has been wonderful up to now. We did break the "news" to all the parties involved (his previous girlfriend, my previous boyfriend, our other close friends and parents) and tried very hard to make this transition (us going from friendship to a romantic relationship) as easy as possible.

John recently started working in the city, and Peter and I are still both in college, so we only see John on weekends. Peter and I have grown a little distant, which is totally reasonable, since I am now dating the "love of his life" (who also happens to be the love of my life...). We still spent time together, but things were a little different.

Last weekend, John was visiting and staying over at his and Peter's flat (I live in a res, so he couldn't stay over here). Anyway, I was over at their place and John and I started getting a little more intimate (to the point of oral sex). We've only been dating for a short time and we realize that this is moving too fast. We are also both opposed to the idea of sex before marriage (we are Christians), but it is so difficult to set boundaries when you are so hopelessly happy and in love.

Anyway, Peter barged in (while John and I were both pretty much naked) and started shouting at us for being "irresponsible and *%^#&*$& up". Neither of us could say anything, because I think we were both so shocked by the sudden interruption (Peter flicked the light on and stood in the door, staring at us). He stormed out of the flat and John and I left soon after, just to take a walk and regroup on what had just happened.

The next day, Peter texted both of us to ask if we could talk. I felt furious (towards him) and degraded. Neither of us texted back. Peter then proceeded to tell John's brother and little sister that he "caught us having sex" and his sister freaked out on John. I felt even more degraded now after having my intimate, personal life so openly discussed with my boyfriend's siblings. We didn't know how to handle it, so I had a discussion with Peter. I told him that he hurt me and degraded me, and he insisted I apologize for my behaviour. I refused to apologize for the intimacy between John and I (I felt that it was our business and that we had to deal with it between ourselves), but I did apologize for waking him and upsetting him.

John discussed the situation with his parents (after both his brother and sister told them that we were sleeping together - obviously, they were very upset), but didn't mention that Peter was gay. I feel this is wrong, because now he only looks like the hero for "saving us from ourselves" and not like the jealous, rejected lover that he is.

I now have feelings of anger and resentment towards John, because I felt like he didn't protect my dignity. I see him as weak. I know that there is really no rational reason why, but I don't trust him anymore. I feel cold towards him. He's not a very good talker, either, so I can't get him to tell me how he feels about it all. I even had a dream just now that he cried and told me he loved me and that he was sorry. I have said I'm sorry countless times, and I tried to make things right by talking to everyone (his family, Peter and him), but I feel I can't do it alone. And him cutting the situation out makes him come across as weak. I'm a strong, independent woman, but I feel it's his place and duty to also be strong for me.

Please help me. I love this man very much and I believe we have a beautiful future together. How do we get over this? Am I being too hard on him? I know he recently started working and has a lot of other stress factors in his life. Would it be better if I just supported him and gave him time to deal with it in his own way?

And how do we deal with Peter?





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