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I'm so confused
Oct 2, 2012
I need help, serious help.
I was married to a very generous man and had a very cultural marriage where the man works and the woman is a home-maker. I was a full time wife and mommy for 28 years.
this all started when I met this man when I moved into a condo right across from his condo after my separation from my X. Yes, I will admit my divorce was an ugly one with a lot of drama but it was taken care of however, we still have unfinished personal issues that I alone am handling it to my best acknowledge. I was upfront with him about my circumstances yet still he wanted to have a relationship with me. For two years all he did was take me one time to Vegas and few restaurants and few times we went to the movies only him complaining that the movies were a waist of money because they were boring. From day one he put his foot down saying to me that money is only made to save. No spending on even food. he only eats certain type of foods and snacks are out of the question. Thank God I visited him seldom so that was not a problem. other then that I would say our relationship is more on the phone and sometimes when the coast is clear he comes to my house and visits me, that gives us a chance to spend some quality times together if you know what I mean.
I am a kind of a woman who really don't ask for much other then simple life with security of a man, a man who comes for his woman's needs and a little consideration that I am struggling with finances, such as my old beat up car had air conditioning problems all summer and I did complain to him to see what the problem is but he won't even consider my safety and well being to even try to look into the problem. Finally, my brother came through and my car is right now being fixed but I feel so bad because my brother is a working man with little to help yet, my boyfriend who is a 57 year old retired teacher with a good pension would not even consider my well-being, I am so hurt that I have asked him to help out with whatever he can yet he refuses. Let me set up how our relationship is like. I myself am a 52 year old woman who gets a lot of attention from men but I am in this relationship hoping to make it work. I dated some men while single but those relationships ended for other reasons and here I am involved with my boyfriend because I like him for his other qualities. He says when I become his live in lover/woman then he will consider it but I have noticed each time I had made plans to move in with him he always manages to come up with silly reasons to put it off which makes us fight and question this relationship then he says "but I love you" then things stay as they are with no help or any kind of consideration. I have tried my patients only to be disappointed in our relationship but again, each time I have tried to end it he again would say "but, I'm in love with you". I am so confused on what is it that he wants from me, he for sure won't spend a penny on me, we don't go out or if we do its very seldom and he always uses coupons weather it's to a once in a blue moon going to a restaurant or even to fast food places. All summer I wanted to go to the beach, he never even tried to take me only to complain that it's too hot to go for now. In his house, I can't walk around with shoes, he's wooden floors might get scratched. No wine or drink upstairs, I may spill the wine on his very expensive carpet or bed. I can't sit on his bed with my sexy clothes, they are outside clothes, I need to be showered and clean nighty to get in his bed for his pleasure. He got a dog after seeing my very well behaved dog and for the year and a half he's kept in a cage downstairs, the poor dog only gets out on small walks. We often fight over that but no use. I work part time job and work on the weekends with little pay, he knows my finances and sometimes I tell him I don't even have money for food, not once he's offered me help. When it comes to money you can take his blood but not his money. I asked him to get me nails for my birthday and I explained him that the nails will require a bit of expense. After I got my nails which was not an easy task and two weeks later I asked him to go with me for the fill, he was shocked that I asked him for more money to be paid to fix my nails. I took them off, my fingers look horrible and this don't bother him at all. Two years I rarely ask him for any financial help but I do ask him for us to go out and enjoy what God has given to him "a paid off condo, a paid off car and a pension that he gets every month", only for him to say to me, I need to watch my money I may live another 30 years, I need the money....I just don't understand him and why am I in this relationship if this man is so cheap and greedy for even US....is beyond me. I tell him we should end the relationship maybe he will find a woman more independent then I and I may find that man who will come to my rescue and help out a little until I become financially more stable, only for him to say "but I love you". Can someone tell me what is it that I'm doing wrong or why is he like this? I need help to be strong and just walk away without looking back and thinking I lost a good man maybe because I asked too much?
I'm confused and very sad because I do love him for other reasons...
Thanks in advance.





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