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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hi guys,

Where do I start? Ok, so I met my boyfriend overseas a few years ago. We knew each other for less than two weeks and had to say goodbye, but we kept in touch and 6 months later he came to see me all the way on the other side of the globe. We managed in difficult financial circumstances, as we're both students to visit each other at least every 6 to 12 months, it was always great. I completely trusted him, he trusted me and we rarely had arguments and when we did it was never anything really major. Last year after we said goodbye after him spending a month in my country, things changed. He decided to take a year off school and suddenly I felt very insecure with him, because it seemed like all he was focused on was friends. Some of his friends I like and don't care that he spends time with them, but he had a group that he went away with at one stage for a New Year's weekend trip and I really suffered that whole weekend, because these guys are completely sleazy, chauvinistic and don't really have much respect for woman. At this stage I was preparing myself to come and work in his country for an undefined period which was a really big step for me,as I had never been out of home and away from family for such a long period of time. On top of that, I was really scared that he wouldn't put as a priority when I arrived as in the months before he had been such a social butterfly hardly dedicated anytime to skype or make contact with me besides some short and to me obligatory messages.

The trip to his country proved to me that he really did care. He did a lot for me to help me emotionally cope with a foreign language, adapting to a new culture and even financially as the job I was doing was very low-paid and also tedious. I basically got treated like a slave. But even so, I felt and still feel very scarred by the fact of his lack of communication with me prior to the trip. I always trusted him, but no matter what he does now i can't say I have that sense of trust and comfort now. Every time he went out with his friends, I would wonder if he would meet someone, kiss someone (he does like to drink), so that's always worried me. Or even if he didn't, I would wonder if he would fine someone more interesting, intelligent, better looking etc. Is he having a better time with his friends? Am I boring to him? He honestly didn't go out that much with his friends, but the few times he did I had to coach myself to not have an anxiety attack. Oh, I do suffer with anxiety and depression at time, so this may also be the cause of my feeling this way as well.

I have now returned from trip back home over a month ago. I can tell you, it has not been 1% easy. I have suffered with depression and just can't focus on anything. I can't function properly. At times I'm fine, but then at times I am a total mess. Everything in my life is good at the moment. This is my cause of pain. I am reaching a point of insanity because it becoming completely unbearable.

He will return for a 2 week holiday to come and see me early next year and then late next year after he finishes Uni, he wants to come and find a job in my country and try it out here and see how he goes. When I am with him I have absolutely no problem. There is no issue, we are best friends and get along great and I have no doubts of his feelings for me.

I feel like I won't be able to cope for another year waiting to be normal with him again and be able to see him etc. He is always really busy and there is a time difference with us, so when he starts his day I'm ending mine, which definitely impacts the communication factor.

Not sure how to better this situation and to feel emotionally stable and secure with him again. I am an emotional wreck at times and I feel really alone because no one around me seems to understand how hard it is having been in a long distance relationship for so long.

Can anyone give me some advice please? I really need an unbiased opinion on my situation. I feel completely stuck and unable to move on in my life and progress with the things I want to do. I feel like this is a big heavy cloud on my shoulders and I just want a solution. Should I take a break from this relationship or stick it out until he comes next year to live?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you've gotten this far. I really appreciate it.


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