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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=Kszan;5075264]This is kind of a sticky subject. I think the same advice should apply as if you were the husband posting about his wife being overweight. You said he was like this when you got married so I guess you have to ask yourself how seriously you took your vows when you made them at the wedding. I mean, you knew what he looked like going into this so it's kind of unfair to him to get mad about it now.

I think you have to look at this from his point of view. How would you feel if he was always on your case about your weight? Wouldn't it start getting old after a while? The best thing you can do is encourage healthier eating habits by preparing healthy meals for him, don't keep junk food in the house, and ask him to just go for walks with you. My parents have always gone walking together for as long as I can remember. It gave them an opportunity to talk with each other about anything and everything in an environment with no distractions, which in turn deepened their bond with each other. It made a huge difference in their ability to communicate openly with each other and I'm sure it strengthened their marriage by a lot to have that time together. I think it's a great idea and it won't cost you any money so that's a huge bonus too. Gym memberships are outrageously expensive and not conducive to spending time together so I think that's not a good idea.

I don't know how you have brought up the subject with him in the past but you need to choose your words wisely. It's not a time for you to be catty or insulting. The only way you'll be able to have him listen to you about this is to approach him with love and respect. Otherwise he will just shut down and not listen to a word you have to say.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your feedback. I cook good food for him that is healthy and we have started biking together so maybe that will help. I'm encouraging him to play tennis since that is a sport he likes. He brought up the issue with me recently, that he'd like to lose a little weight, I don't bring up the subject with him anymore. I took my marriage vows seriously when I got married but suppressed my own preferences. I told myself that it was not important that he was overweight or that I wasn't really attracted to him, that I was being catty to care about that and that his other good qualities outweighed this. I suppressed my own feelings and desires. I told myself that the relationship wasn't perfect but nothing is and it was good enough. We have gone through trying times in the marriage since day one. I moved to a remote area where he lives, and have not been able to find work in 3 years. We had a baby right away that added additional stress to the marriage. I haven't made many friends here and am bored, isolated, and lonely. I still don't feel comfortable living here and we are unable to relocate right now since his business is based here and he can't move it. and I can't find a job back in the city where I'm from that will support a family. I feel like the marriage has been a disaster and that I live in a prison. I thought that if he lost weight, and I felt more attraction to him, somehow the whole situation would feel a little better





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