It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. Throughout our relationship, he has lied to me a few times, some small nonsense lies and some bigger lies. The common "reason" for the lie is because he was either afraid of what I'd think, say, or how I'd react. I guess he would rather avoid confrontation.

[U]Here is the background on my current situation:[/U]

My boyfriend used to work with a girl a few years back. He told me about her and said that everyone used to think they dated because they were so close to each other. At the beginning of our relationship, she was transferred to where he worked and I obviously was not happy about this. It was still the beginning of our relationship and I was insecure about how close they were, blah blah blah. I got irrationally mad and asked him to ask his manager for a transfer because I didn't want them working with each other. Of course, that didn't happen (nor did I expect it to) and they just continued to work with one another, all the while reassuring me that he barely saw her or spoke to her. A few months later, their work positions rotated again and they did not work together nor speak to each other.

[U]So my current situation goes like this:[/U]

About a month ago, I noticed a phone number on his phone that had no name assigned to it. I asked him who it was, he stuttered and tried to brush it off, but eventually said that it was his ex-girlfriend. I was mad that he didn't tell me he was talking to her, but he assured me that she only called to wish him a happy birthday. The way he was acting did not seem right, so I asked him to call her back. He ran to the bathroom and when he came back, he called her so that he could confirm it was really his ex-girlfriend.

He was acting really strange and it seemed fishy, so I called the number later on in the day. I got a voicemail greeting that was clearly not his ex-girlfriends name, but it was the name of girl co-worker from a few years back. I decided to confront him and ask him to tell me the truth about who called him and why. After a LONG, drawn out conversation about honesty, he eventually told me that it wasn't his ex-girlfriend, but his co-worker. He told me that she was recently transferred to the same department as him but he was afraid of how I'd react, so he decided to keep it a secret from me. He also told me that when he ran to the bathroom, he quickly called her and told her to pretend to be his ex-girlfriend.

Of course, I don't blame him for being afraid of how I'd react, but he should certainly have not lied to me and kept anything a secret. It would have been easier to sit down and discuss with me what was going on, rather than have to lie and lie and lie. He assured me that everything they spoke about was strictly work related.

We eventually had a great, heart-to-heart talk about honesty, communication, and trust. He told me that it killed him inside that he was lying to me and felt so much better being honest and truthful. I believed him and we moved past it and began working on our relationship. I told him that I would rather him tell me what was going on and who he was talking to, rather than lie. I told him that I had no negative feelings toward the girl, and it was only because of my insecurities in the beginning of the relationship.

[U]about a month later (NOW):[/U]

As he was going to play a voicemail for me, I noticed the girl co-workers phone number on the voicemail list. (He has visual voicemail). He was quickly trying to delete it. I interrupted and asked, who's that? Even though I clearly recognized the number and knew who it was. He said, oh no one. And I said, then why are you deleting it? What are you hiding, I thought we were being honest and open with each other? Well... this ended up becoming a HUGE fight involving a ton of yelling and me asking to listen to the voicemail and him doing everything in his power so that I couldn't. He even tried to break his phone so that I couldn't listen to the voicemail.

A few days passed to give us both time to cool off, and we eventually spoke to each other in person. He told me that he felt so horrible thinking about how badly we fought with each other and that he was sorry for being such a jerk to me. When I asked him about the voicemail, he told me that she left a voicemail thanking him for his help regarding a personal family matter and that she missed him. He told me that he didn't want me to listen to the voicemail and get the wrong impression. When I asked about them talking to each other, he told me that she recently started texting him. She was upset about a family issue and she was seeking comfort from him. Sometimes, she texted him late at night because he worked late and she knew he was awake. He assured me that he did not cheat or "emotionally" cheat, and that he was just trying to be nice to her. He also said she was upset because she broke up with her boyfriend recently.

In my opinion, she is being inappropriate. I understand that she needed comfort, but she could have found it elsewhere - from friends, other family, etc. She didn't have to go seeking comfort from someone who is just a co-worker. I also think that he was being inappropriate by responding to her late-night messages. Maybe I am old-school, but I find it disrespectful to text someone late at night- especially someone who isn't my boyfriend. I asked him how would he feel if he found out I was texting one of my co-workers late at night and receiving voicemails from him saying he missed me?

He agreed and understood my anger. He said it was inappropriate and that he would talk to her so that their relationship would change and be strictly professional and work-related.

Am I being stupid into believing he is telling me the truth? Do you think there is something else going on here? I just don't understand why he would lie to me about her again, especially since we had a heart-to-heart talk about honesty and communication only a few weeks ago. It just seems to have a common theme and that his lies always involve her in one way or another. Am I just being stupid? Could this be my fault because I was insecure in the beginning of our relationship?

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:52 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!