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I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We have experienced ups and downs that couples usually experience; I am a firm believer that no relationship is perfect, but for the most part, we were happy. We do not live together, as I personally don't believe in living together before marriage; I want marriage to mean joining lives, and I am not comfortable to fully join my life with anyone before marrying them.

7 weeks ago, my boyfriend got his 3rd dui. He was cleaning at night and drinking some beers, when he work called and needed him to drop something off. He works at a bar and has always had a hard time finding another job due to his first 2 dui's. He went to drop off what they needed and he got arrested. His first 2 duo's were years ago, before we even met and I had no idea that he'd ever get another one. I believed he had grown up, gotten smarter, and wouldn't jeopardize us that way.

He was arrested very early (2:30ish) on a Friday morning. I didn't hear from him all day, and I called all of his family (mom, grandma, sister) telling them that I was worried and calling hospitals. They all knew he was in jail, and they didn't tell me. They all lied straight to me. They thought he should tell me he'd gone to jail. His mom thought I was too "fragile" to know. I was incredibly upset at him, but really hurt because his family could have told me he was okay- even if they didn't tell me where he was.

I called the jails, simply because I'd run out of places to call. The dispatch told me he had been arrested and he got out very late that Friday night. I was livid and said things that weren't nice, but were true. He has a problem, he needs help, he's essentially ruined our lives because he was stupid that night. How will he ever get a job after 3 duo's when he had a hard enough time after 2?!

I have stuck by him. He is incredibly depressed and I feel incredibly alone. He cries all the time, he changes every subject back to his problems, and he compares himself to me all the itme now. I got a promotion at work and he said it's because I'm a smart, good person - unlike him "who's a horrible idiot and has no future." He's probably going to jail. At least 3 months, but it could be up to a couple of years.

He told me being around me makes him feel worse. He said it's not my fault, but I'm a good person, with a good job, and no criminal background. When he's around me, and he feels so low, the fact that I have my stuff together makes him feel worse. That was devastating to hear. It just hurt.

I am not trying to be selfish, but I cannot take this anymore. His car was impounded, so his mom bought him a crappy truck. Yes, it's crappy! But it's better than the bike he was riding and he constantly complains about it and is so negative. If i were in his shoes, I'd be so grateful that my mom provided me with transportation! It's too cold to be riding a bike home from work at 3 a.m.!!

I can't take only focusing on his problems. If I have a bad day, or trouble at work, or problems with a family member I want someone there I can talk to about it... I don't have that anymore because he's depressed and it's all about him. I don't want to be a "jail wife" either. How do I tell my friends and family that my boyfriend won't be around for a while cause he's in jail?! I don't want to lie to everyone, but those who love me will be very disappointed in me if I stay with him when he's in jail.

Part of me feels like I deserve better. Part of me feels that is so selfish and gets upset with myself. I'm honestly worried that he'll kill himself. He's that low right now. He keeps telling me that he knows I'll leave him eventually.

Last Saturday, I just wanted to go out and have a good time - just to eat dinner and to walk around the mall. He started crying at dinner and it's so embarrassing when your boyfriend is crying in a crowded restaurant. Yes, it's embarrassing... I'm horrible for thinking that, I know. I can't help it. It's also such a mood-killer... he's always consumed by this negativity and I just wanted one night with the old, fun guy that I had up until 7 weeks ago.

I'm sorry this post is so choppy and all over the place. It's hard to get it all out. Can anyone shed impartial advice on this situation?

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