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Relationship Health Message Board

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1st off, this guy, I only know him online. I've been in love with him for 2 years, met him on a forum. It's kind of complicated. but I fell in love with him for who he really is, then figured out that he was pretending to be other people too. I asked him about it when I finally got up the courage to chat with him in the first place, but all he did was deny that he pretends to be other people.

Eventually over time, we got closer, and he has implied to me that he in fact is all these characters I think are him on the forum, but he won't outright admit it. Then the worst, last year, he got a bit closer to me as himself, opened up a little, showed me a video of him saying my name, so I know he's really a guy and all that. but he still wasn't willing to tell me his name, his age or his location. he tells me he's in love with me, then the next day, I see him under another name, and he's telling another girl he loves her. So naturally i feel hurt.

I know from an outsider's point of view, it's obvious "just stay away from him" and I've tried doing that, but I can't help I'm in love, and worse, I have NO ONE. I don't work right now, I don't have any friends. only my family I live with. I'm really depressed. I've tried meeting new people on this forum, but the only ones that will even talk to me, all turn out to be him under other characters again.

He won't leave me alone, he's always trying to get into a relationship with me as some fake guy, and I tell him "i know it's you, if you want to date me, be yourself", he knows I hate it, but he keeps on writing me as new guys every week..! yet he does not want to be honest with me about who he is and become friends with the real him. and it's a lost cause.

I've come to realize, he does this on purpose, he won't romance me as his real self, cause he does not want a commitment with me, yet he still wants to hold onto me. It's messing me up so badly, cause the amount of time and effort he spends trying to talk to me, confuses me. I wonder, why does he put so much effort into talking to someone he does not even really love?

In the last 2 weeks, I've had a string of panic attacks, and have not felt happy at all because I just don't know what to do anymore.

I could choose to be alone and never talk to him again. but I dread being alone, because I am very unhappy that way. I need a balance of some kind of social life, even if it's a crappy one. I don't know what to do, or where to go to get help.

I can't even find a new online forum to go to, and that in part is why I am on this one, so I could at least vent without this guy being around to possibly read my posting too.

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